The Eleventh Hokage
by FairyChipper
Summary: It has been fifty years and two generations since the Fourth Shinobi War. Now a new generation of Konoha shinobi must rise up or fall. Follow Saiko Momochi and his team mates as they become the next heros of the Leaf. Post NaruHina, SaiIno, SasuSaku, KonoHanabi, KakaShizu, IrukaAnko, Zabuza Momochi reincarnation fiction
1. Grandmother Convention

**Grandmother Convention**

**The Eleventh Hokage**

**By Fairy Chipper**

* * *

Disclaimer is located at the end of this chapter.

* * *

There is a generations-old institution call the senior citizens retirement center.

There is one in just about every town and the village hidden in the leaves, Konohagakure no Sato, was no different.

This particular retirement center hosts such activities such as weekly bingo games, yoga and tai chi classes, aquatic exercise, and even the occasional dinner and ballroom dance. Every Friday at 11:00 A.M., the center's leadership committee holds a potluck. Like dozens of other senior citizen centers, these potluck events are both a get-together of old friends and an intense competition that would make any Iron Chef quit out of fear. The stakes were high and the competition most vicious. Especially when the competitors are the things that even the most jaded mugger fear. Old kunoichi are the most vicious creatures in the universe.

"Ino-chan, try the deviled eggs. I used a new sauce that is all the rage in the capital," suggested a pinked hair former medic-nin turned grandmother.

"They are quite good, Sakura-chan, almost as good as the red potato and marinated three bean salad grown fresh from my gardens with an edible flower garnish," replied a blond lady who once bounced the current head of the Torture and Interrogation Unit on her knee.

"What about this cheese spread? It is from a unique goat species in Iwa raised in a monastery and has the faint aftertaste of nuts, currants, and honey," pushed Tenten at she pull out a platter from her bag.

"I have a platter of Suna date desserts that are just to _die_ for," interrupted Temari.

"Here are sa-sa-some cinnamon-chocolate rolls with marshmallow fillings made fresh," muttered a paled eye matriarch with an all too familiar stutter.

There were suppressed gowns as the smell of paled eye lady's legendary desert filled the room. The other ladies looked at one another and silently communicated:

_No Ino, no poisoning Hinata, otherwise..._

_Can we at least pray for her to choke on a bun, Sakura?_

_Agreed, Tenten, Temari?_

_Definitely, Ino. Let us pray, Oh great Buddha, please release our dear friend Hinata from this life and reunite her with our beloved orange dobe by making her choke on a cinnamon bun. Amen._

Just because these ladies were retired from the ranks of Konoha's active shinobi did not mean that they now believed in being mellow. Instead of competing with taijutsu, they now cooked and knitted and went into those fuddy duddy activities that all grandmothers seem to do. Even a game of shuffle board meant mortal danger to any bystander.

Hanabi Sarutobi and Meogi Mitokado came into the room with a scroll.

"Oneechan (Sisters), we got it…it took a little convincing but the puppy dog eyes still work," Hanabi announced.

"…Or was it the combination with bouncy technique?" hinted Meogi.

_We married geriatric perverts_, agreed the women, _but they are our geriatric perverts_.

Tenten pushed her way forward, "Let's see it."

Hanabi opened up a document.

On top was a big red stamp that proclaimed the document 'Top Secret'.

The sight would send shivers of fear or excitement up one's spine.

However, after a decades-long career of dealing with the most sensitive of village secrets, the red stamp was ignored. They were the power behind the village and if their husbands and children disagreed with them…Well, a group of grandmothers who knows everyone's dirty laundry can persuade even the most stuck up male that they better agree with wife or mother or else! The power of baby photographs and obnoxious hand knit sweaters is a great and terrible power. Jonin who go to their kage's office daily begging take on an S-Class mission could not stand up to grandma's photo of them when they believe that wearing women's underwear on the head was cool.

The grandmothers read the contents. Their will prevailed again and so today the husbands and kids would be spared.

After tea it was time to come to an agreement. They had to flex their power so that the young ones do not start thinking that the grandmothers were getting soft in the head.

It was time to embarrass the grandkids again.

"Ladies, do you have the sweaters and hats."

Brightly colored hats and matching sweaters were held up in the air.

Two of them were particularly well-coordinated. With two of the graduating grandkids being fraternal twins, Grandma Sakura made extra obnoxious sweaters that matched.

The winner, whose grandkids had the rosiest faces at the end of the day.

* * *

**Classroom 20-183**

**Konoha's Ninja Academy Advanced Studies Complex**

If you asked the students what is the most vicious or sickening thing they witnessed in the Academy, there would be different answers.

A few would cite the human anatomy class where prospective medic-nins learn the parts of the human body by performing autopsies on victims of fire and bloated corpses found in swamps.

Some would say the spars between Kiba Inuzuka and Saiko Momochi that required a squad of medic nins on standby due to the fact that these two boys detest one another.

Others would say the way that Maiko Hyūga grazes the protective cups of boys with thrown kunai.

But the overwhelming answer was the way that Akamaru Inuzuka and Maiko Hyūga worked together on a psychological-physical torture campaign against their rivals while attempting to hunt down Takeo Hakate and get him to pick which girl is his true love.

Not since the days of the Haruno-Yamanaka fights over a duck-butt haired Uchiha was the campaign over a boy so vicious. It seemed that fate decreed that the granddaughters of Sakura Haruno and Ino Yamanaka would feud over a boy who wanted nothing to do with them. The only difference was that these two were vicious ninja fangirls who also religiously practiced their skills and were not afraid to pull out all the stops. It seems that their grandmothers trained the pair too well. Superhuman ground shattering punches versus gentle fist used to be an all too common occurrence until the academy instructors had standing orders to never pin these girls against one another in a spar again in an effort to keep the dojo repair bills down.

However, Saiko Momochi looked at the shrieking Inuzuka and mentally commented to himself that there was nothing more horrid than having to deal with the '_shrieking duo_' for the rest of his life. There was no way that Takeo Hakate, Saiko's asshole buddy, would pick either harpy. Hell, there was no way he would even think of playing wingman with either one of those two to save Takeo. Friends may ask friends to join them on a suicidal S-class mission, but not playing wingman to those things. They may be the physically hottest girls in the class, but no amount of beauty can cover up the ugliness in their souls.

"Are they…" buzzed the earpiece in his right ear.

"_Ama_ (bitch) and _Chichi_ (tits) are shrieking their devotion to you again. Do us a favor and convince your two fan girls to take a vow of silence. I kind of like to be able to not have to wear ear plugs to protect my hearing." Saiko whispered into his cuff microphone.

Takeo wisely was hiding just outside and planned to pop in at the last second. By then the instructor would call for silence, perform roll call, and get the exam on the road. Hopefully the two will fail the final exam or end up on another genin team. Saiko looked at the pair and felt sorry for the unlucky bastard who ended up with those two.

"Ok, Saiko-kun…Can you tell us where is Takeo-kun? We miss him."

The Maiko Hyūga could pull up that honey voice, but Saiko knew her tricks.

Maiko leaned over, letting him have a peek at her chest wrappings under her shirt as if she was the hottest thing in the multiverse. He did not bother since she never quite master the seductive art of wrapping her ample chest with just the minimum amount of cloth. Besides it was more like the wrapping of a mummy. Despite, sporting a pair of legendary Hyūga mammary glands, there was no visible flesh to feast his eyes upon.

Maiko let her right index finger graze his chest. If she was not a vicious Hyūga, one would believe himself lucky to have a girl lazily trail her finger across his chest. However, Saiko knew that finger was a threat. One touch and she could literally stop his heart or cause his bowls to explode most violently. The bulging veins on her temples told Saiko that she activated her byakugan.

_Cannot lie to a Hyūga. They can spot a lie. However, if you tell half a truth…_

"I do not know where he is exactly, but when I went over to his place last night, he said that he was planning to sleep in until the last-minute."

It was true.

Saiko Momochi did not know which window Takeo would pop in from and Takeo told him that so that he would have something to repeat. Having a best friend with the same bloodline taught Saiko how to work around its legendary lie detection properties. Maiko looked at him with the glare of impeding doom that would even excite old man Hiashi Hyūga.

"Truth…I guess that you live one day longer, Saiko-kun. Tell Takeo that I will not be one of those psycho-obsessive wives and will allow him to have an old male friend visit once in a while. You can be the best man at our wedding."

"What do you mean your wedding, Maiko-chan. You will be the bridesmaid at Takeo and my wedding. Saiko-kun is not all that ugly, Maiko-chan, and maybe afterwards you could catch the bouquet and get married to the best man," snarled Akamaru.

"Why would anyone want to marry a girl named after a dog…"

"Why…the dog was a hero," snarled the Inuzuka. "Takeo-kun is coming in and I will meet him at the gate."

With that announcement the pair went to the school yard to wait for their Takeo-kun.

There was no way in hell he would date let alone mate or marry something so obsessive. The loser marrying the best man. The thought of getting him being the consolation prize…the agony.

"Dude, thank you. I thought that they would never leave," said Takeo as he slipped in through the window. "Is it me or is Cousin Maiko getting crazier?"

Saiko looked at this buddy, "You owe me big time for this one. Anymore girls like that in your life and I will seriously think of going gay. Getting man-meat up your bum can't hurt as much as that. Your cousin is creepy and not in the sexy creepy way that gothic Lolita stripper was."

Saiko pulled out a couple sepia toned photographs of the stripper in question. She was wearing an old fashion civilian school uniform on the verge of falling off, holding a parasol and a creepy porcelain doll. The next photograph showed the clothing slipped off and has a signature and phone number.

"Dude, that is not funny. How did you get that hottie's digits when all I get is that?" asked Takeo.

Saiko slipped the photo back into the hidden pockets in his sleeves and replied, "Virtue, my dear friend, virtue. And yes, it is a she…I did the downtown finger test."

Takeo slammed his face down on the desk.

"I'm not worthy. I'm not worthy. Damn, why can I hold the physical transformation technique like you. Can I smell it?"

"Cause you cannot survive the two drink minimum and get your ass tossed out. You are a lightweight when it comes to sake. I keep telling you to stick to beer. Besides sniffing these juice-coated fingers will cost you…"

"I was going to invite…"

"500-ryo on the grandmas will get together when school lets out and haze you all. Besides, I am already invited to your graduation party. Somebody got to be your wingman and keep the other girls away so you can pick between Ama and Chichi. Or are you going to earn your harem badge by scoring with both?"

Takeo's pale eyes looked into Saiko's eye with the haunted look of a doomed man.

"Dude, it is not funny. Every time, I approach a girl they run away because Ama and Chichi make them fear for their lives. I could not even get to first base let along third. Hell with those two on me, even Tetsuo Akimichi will cash in his V-card long before I could get a chance. I would kill to switch places with you."

The feeling of impending doom erupted into a nightmare.

"Who are you calling Ama and Chichi! And which whore was third base?"

Saiko did not even have to look behind him to know that fate rained doom on their doomed heads.

There was a sense of doom that not even a legendary S-Class ninja could summon. It was time to set a new land speed record. The pair bolted, ducking and weaving over and under class mates and desks in a well-practiced and choreographed manner. All they had to do was make it out the door and split up. He hoped that they would focus on molesting his pal and not attempt knock him out and stomp him in the ribs like last time.

_Please catch Takeo…please catch Takeo_.

If they catch Takeo first he would be able to escape. Unfortunately, Maiko Hyūga inherited her grandmother Tenten's throwing skills and hit them both with a boomerang on the back of their heads. Saiko's world went black as his head exploded in pain.

* * *

"Are you okay, Saiko-kun?" asked the angel in a mesh shirt and miniskirt.

It was a vision of heaven. Violet eyes and purple hair. A smile that was both loving and mischievous. Even the view of neon green and hot pink striped panties.

_Forget the stripper - I want more of this_...

Saiko reached up towards her outstretched arm and pulled himself up. He then fell face first into her chest, quickly drew in a breath and back off, muttering several apologies as if it were an accident.

Saiko looked down at his shoe and he categorized the pain signals running through his body. The duo stomped him in the ribs. Breathing hurts, but it seems that they did not break the ribs this time. Thankfully, the athletic cup he wore protected his little Momochi from taking any damage. It is one of the smart habits that all too many male ninjas forget. Nothing hurt like the gentle fist to the mommy and daddy button.

"No problem, you were just a little dizzy, Saiko-kun. I know that you are a good boy and loyal friend, but why do you insist on protecting Takeo when he does something perverted," asked Keiko Umino, one of the teacher's aides.

"You taught us that one who does not protect his precious people is lower than trash, Umino-sensei. I must help my friend not matter the odds or cost."

She smiled at him, "Please, call me Keiko-senpai. Umino-sensei sounds like you are talking to my grandfather."

Keiko bent over as she reached down toward Saiko. By doing so, he got to see the money shot view that made him wish to be her baby so he could suck on those glorious tits. If he ever had kids with the goddess in front of him, he would be fighting with his kids for his share of those milk shake dispensers. Maybe if he died, he could be reincarnated as her kid. If so, he prayed that she will breastfeed him until he was eighteen.

"I am only an instructor in training. I am sorry that you have to protect Takeo. I promise to take you out for your favorite, beef teppanyaki for lunch."

Keiko then hugged him pressing his face into her 16-year-old chest.

"What about me," asked Takeo.

Keiko looked down at him like he was the most perverted creature since the legendary Toad Sennin Jiraiya, "Maiko-chan and Akamaru-chan are more than willing to help you back to your desk. Ask them for help."

The pair slowly made their way back up to their assigned desk.

"Dude," asked Takeo, "How are you so…"

"Virtue, Takeo. Virtue and the respect for the virtue of all women."

"Virtue my ass. You are more perverted than a swinger's convention. You are just lucky you have not yet got caught. Dude, I so hate you now. Can I sniff the finger," asked Takeo.

"Nope, besides forget about that stripper, Keiko-sempai titties are so much better…," Saiko mused, remembering the scent of Keiko Umino's bossom.

Every growing boy needed a bosom for a pillow and Keiko's was just the right size. And she was not scary creepy despite the ever present snake on her shoulder.

"You are hopeless. Keiko-senpai is way older than you and once she finds out, you will be fed to the snakes."

"Two years only. Anyways, at least it beats getting your soul sucked dry by the twin harpies over the next 60 years."

Takeo took one last look at his best friend and wished him well, "I am so going to laugh at you when you get those two on your team."

"Don't even think of jinxing me or I will make sure that you and Gairo Lee will be the next gossip couple in Konoha."

"Dude, don't even go there," Takeo warned. "The only thing those girls, and I use the term loosely, very loosely, love more than chasing me was if they could somehow make their yaoi (boy-on-boy love) fantasies true."

* * *

**The Hokage's Office**

There were no real surprises with regard to the current crop of graduates from Konoha's advance studies detachment. Each one excelled and passed their initial genin exam at twelve. After six month's fieldwork, several genin were then selected for two further years of advance training instead of remaining with the traditional team setup. This system allowed Konoha to train more specialists and focus on developing future leaders. It was rare for anyone to wash out at this point. Processing these graduates was more of a formality.

Konohamaru Sarutobi, the 8th Hokage, watched on as his successor and former genin-student, Jiraiya Uzumaki, the newly instated 9th Hokage, read his recommendations.

"Why is Saiko Momochi in an all-girl team?" asked the newly instated hokage.

Konohamaru closed his eyes and cleared his throat before answering, "As you know, Ryota Aburame, Takeo Hatake, and Saiko Momochi proven they are strong leaders and fighters when they defeated two A-class missing nins, complete their mission, and bring back the corpse of their examiner. If we do not split them up, two of them will not develop their leadership skills, since they will defer to the third. Therefore once we split them, the breakdowns just occurred naturally."

Konohamura pointed towards the chart.

"First, we have a traditional Nara, Akimichi, Yamanaka capture and intelligence squad. They have already been trained by their clans and their time in advanced studies only make them more effective. Since the previous N-A-Y squad is being pulled into ANBU, the new N-A-Y squad will be replacing their cousins.

"After that, every remaining team needs a heavy hitter, someone about to throw around combat ninjutsu and brawl with the enemy to buy the others times to regroup or provide long range support. Takeo and Saiko are our two heavy hitters – good with combat ninjutsu, weapons, and taijutsu with ample chakra reserves to spam out attacks. Kiba Inuzuka and Gairo Lee are taijutsu specialists, but do not yet have the charkra reserves or depth of ninjutsu techniques that Takeo and Saiko currently have. The other genin are gengetsu, intelligence or medic-nin specialists."

Jiraiya rubbed his sore cheek.

Sparing with his cousin Hizashi this morning only showed that he needed a little less time in the office and more time in the dojo. It did not help that Hizashi was talented like their grandfather, Hiashi Hyūga and Hizashi's father, the legendary Uncle Neji. Jiraiya could beat his cousin in a spare, but it required ninjutsu, preparing the dojo with fūinjutsu, going into sage mode, using the Senpo: Chō Ōdama Rasengan, Hizashi being on his deathbed, and the right set of planetary alignments.

Hizashi always kicked his ass in pure gentle fist spar. The only one more deadly was his grandfather Hiashi. One more eight trigrams mountain crusher and Jiraiya would have been splattered over the dojo. Thankfully, Jiraiya's cousin and Leaf's current spy master was smart enough to not risk being the next hokage by splattering the current hokage all over the Hyūga family dojo.

Besides, there is an issue of bloodline compatibility and genetic diversity. Sixty percent of female ninja marry a teammate. Jiraiya was a case in point. He married his teammate Yoko Nara a few months after the pair barely survived a Class-B turn Class-S mission. Sharing life and death experiences with an attractive girl lead to more than one accidental pregnancy and marriage. The memory of Shikamaru Naru when he had to tell the old man that he got Yoko pregnant still scared him.

There was no way Maiko Hyūga cannot be put with Takeo Hatake since they are cousins and too close genetically. Not even the Hyūga clan back in the day would condone such a close marriage. Grandpa Hiashi would fry his ass. Just because grandpa was a master in gentle fist did not mean that he did not know other tricks. Being the only living student of the legendary Toad Sage Jiraiya meant that Hiashi also learned his fair share of ninjutsu.

The one time as a kid that Jiraiya called out his grandfather to an ninjutsu contest was quite an educational experience. The memory of a Water Release: 1000 Years of Death with enema going up his then virginal arse taught Jiraiya Uzumaki that just because no one alive remember grandpa using a jutsu, does not mean that he could not use one in a most inventive manner to show an uppity grandson that there was a reason that Jiraiya's two predecessors feared the old man.

Likewise, one could not put siblings on the same team so Kiba and Akamaru Inuzuka have to be split up. The Inuzuka twins unknowingly carried the recessive markers for the sharingan which make any mating with any carrier of the byakugan bloodline undesirable since their dojutsu will clash. Therefore, Maiko Hyūga and Akamaru Inuzuka can only be paired with Saiko Momochi. Besides, sticking either of the girls with Takeo Hatake will only increase their fan girl tendencies. Jaraiya and Hizashi had escaped their fair share of fan girls and knew better than to give those girls any more encouragement.

Jiraiya examined the team make-ups one last time, suppressed a groan of pain, and then stamped the offending paperwork with his official seal.

At least this one is over. Three more stacks to go.

The new hokage looked at the paperwork piled up on his desk and calculated his free time. The wife was going to pull out the frying pan and beat him over the head tonight. Well, that is what he gets for marrying a Nara.

"How did you and father ever manage to tame this beast? It multiplies like bunnies on Viagra and fertility pills."

Konohamaru laughed, "That is why so many kages wished for a war so they have an excuse to go out and die in battle. You not only get to be a hero, avoid the complications of old age, but also you get to stick the paperwork on your worst foe. Every kage has his or her own style of battle when it comes to Kage paperwork. Find yours or tell Hizashi that he is stuck on paperwork duty and sneak off to battle before he yanks you back. Your father laughed when he dropped the paperwork on me. Now it is my turn to laugh at you."

"Could you?" the new hokage pleaded.

Konohamaru shook his head.

"No, my old student. Use the power of your mind and your powers of observation. You will find the answer is closer than you may think. Don't worry. I will do you a favor. I will be dropping that stack of paper for the academy for you and get your mother and her friends off your back today. Besides, Hanabi and I got to take Takeo out to lunch. The party is at seven and there is an open bar until two."

Jiraiya looked at the paperwork multiplying at the disk and frowned wondering how despite an office full of chūnin and jōnin to sort through and take care of all the paperwork, how so much paper makes it up to the desk.

Konohamaru interrupted the new hokage, "Oh, don't frown or act like you have that stick up your ass or you will end up looking like a constipated version of your uncle, Neji, or grandfather, Haishi. Remember, life may be full of shit, but you have to always look on the bright side of life."

Jaraiya motioned for his predecessor to leave as he reached for the budget report.

Konohamaru turned around with a smile and literally skipped out the door whistling _Look at the bright side of life._

_But not before holding the door open for the new secretary bringing in a new wheelbarrow full of 'urgent paperwork'_

The answer to Jiraiya's complaint was close at hand.

Konohamaru taped a copy of the kage bushin scroll under the bottom left desk drawer. It was the statistically calculated last place that a right hander like Jaraiya Uzumaki will look. It had been years since he pulled of a great prank but he still had not lost his touch. The only question was how long he would let his successor and nephew suffer before reminding him about the virtues of the shadow clone.

His nephews, Jiraiya Uzumaki and Hizashi Hyūga, both caused him grief when they were young. Those two pranksters had thier own filing cabinets listing every prank they pulled. Thankfully, all Konohamaru had were well behaved daughters whose pranking careers where more psychological rather than the grandiose physical pranks the boys pulled. Now the boys thought they grew up and now wanted to be big shots. Let them deal with all the paperwork from the next generation of pranksters. Chaining a new victim to the vicious Triple-S-class foe dubbed paperwork is only the beginning.

* * *

**Five Hours Later**

**Yoshinoya's Beef Teppanyaki**

Beef teppanyaki never tasted so good.

One, you could never go wrong with beef teppanyaki. Two, he was eating with her…the sexiest assistant instructor in the school. The only way it could be better was if Keiko-senpai was going to give him the talk, a practical demonstration, cash in his V-card, and agree to be his nymphomaniac girlfriend. However, just being able to put his face in her boobs this morning and get away with was beyond awesome. If only he can get knocked out more often. Too bad he had to think about the two harpies to keep the little Momochi from standing at attention and calling attention to his innermost thoughts. There was only so much room in an athletic cup before started moving.

"What are your dreams, after the academy and all," she asked.

"I want to make my team be the best team since the Rookie 12."

It was a good answer, one of a half-dozen that he had prepared carefully. It presented him as both a team player and a leader. Four years ago, he would be an incoherent mess. However, his foster sister's fiancé, taught him the secret to getting girl…fake confidence but mix in a little humility.

_Besides, if any girl knew what you really are…shut up. I am here with Keiko-senpai and nothing…nothing will screw this up._

He carefully focused on her face as she spoke, careful to keep up eye contact.

_Nod politely. Agree. Mirror the targets movements and facial gestures. If forced to disagree, do so courteously. Keep her talking about herself and her dreams. Remember, women seduce men and seduce themselves into thinking they love a man. They are never seduced by men useless they seduce themselves. Make her fall in love with herself and she will fall in love with you._

The books on human psychology used in the academy are full of the brown stuff that makes plants grow. It is the sales books that taught a young boy well. _How to Convince Anyone in 90 Seconds_ and _The Psychology of Persausion_ should be required reading for any aspiring ninja. By following the instructions, Saiko could convince anyone to believe almost anything. If he did this, he would never be lonely, never be alone, and never have to face a world again where no one cared. As long as he was perfect, they would love him. The moment he slips up and falls, the horde would be on him like a pack of ravenous wolves on a paralyzed flock of sheep.

Saiko remembered being a slave in the Hidden Mist and later a penniless street urchin. He was the son of a slave and her master. The master died too early and he was cast out since a sick slave and accompanying offspring was worthless. He remembered begging, combing through trash cans, stealing bread, clothing, and a piece of discarded sail cloth to use as a shelter. He watched helplessly as his mother grew sicker and sicker with the wasting illness.

By the time, Konoha nin found him and his mother in Wave, it was too late. Despite the best medicine, despite the hourly prayers to the merciful Buddha, despite him being a good boy so the gods would hear his prayer, it was too late. He watched his mother dry up into a shell. In the end, she did not know who he was. Despite the pain medications, mother screamed in pain cursing him because he looked like his father. The one thing in the world that was supposed to love him hated him. He failed to be what his mother wanted and so his mother did not love him anymore.

Why did he want to become a ninja?

_Power_.

Ninjas are powerful. Ninjas do not have to beg and plead for rotting scrapes of food. As long as you accomplice the mission, anything was permissible as long as it did not make its way onto the mission report. He would no longer have to crawl through the shit of humanity begging for his own existence. No more begging gods who do not bother to hear the prayers of those who they leave in the gutter. Saiko Momochi was a person and he would be a person who the gods learn to fear.

_No…_

No more gloating. He had to focus on charming Keiko so she would not find out his imperfections.

She was the dangerous one. She was an expert at reading others from her time working in interrogation. She knew when he was near the breaking point. He just had to hold together just a few more minutes. He tossed the small piece of meat to the ever-present Miss Cuddles, Keiko's highly poisonous, yet intelligent pet snake and let the snake lick his hand. It is part of snake etiquette to always share a little meat. That way they are less likely to bite you.

Keiko hugged him and wished him luck on the practical phase of the examinations.

Saiko had won another round in the impress Keiko-hime game and was mentally exhausted.

Contrary to what many believed, he was not an extrovert, but rather an introvert who learned how to wheel and deal because his life depended upon it. He wanted to curl up, cry, and sleep after dealing with people, but he could not. If he was too quiet, the psychological ninja would pull him out for a reevaluation. If that happen, everyone would know that he was not one of them and start pulling away.

_No, act as you are instructed and audience will not be able to decide where the role ends and the actor begins_.

* * *

**The Academy**

Saiko looked out the windows as the other kids raced out of the building to show their new hitai-ate to their families. They spent hours buffing it out until it shined in the sun.

_Pride_.

It was the mother of all sins and the cause of death of many ninja.

A bright shiny hitai-ate told the enemy where you were and who you were. Outside formal functions, most jonin and chunin deliberately scuffed their hitai-ate to a matte pewter grey or even painted it a more camouflage friendly color. Some even forego wearing it unless they absolutely have to. Since the protocals required it, but he was a ninja and cheating was as natural as breathing.

He decided to do the same. It was not like he had any real family to be proud of him.

Sure he had his foster family. However, his foster-mother, Ringo, was teaching a procedure at the hospital and his foster sister,Rumi was doing her clinical rounds and earning her medic-nin instructor's certification. They would be home in time to head over the graduation party, but he had a couple hours to kill.

He watched as grandmothers literally fell upon and inflicted the brightest, most obnoxious sweaters and hats on the graduates. The former students cringed over something that he once would have killed for as a child. A warm woolen sweater in the dead of winter meant you did not freeze to death. A warm knit hat was…

He could never understand why kids with so many blessing complain. If his mother would come back from the grave and give him a pair of ratty wool socks, he would gladly surrender his dignity just to know that she loved him enough to bring him a present.

Saiko turned around and looked instead at the bookshelves wondering if someday, future students would read a book about him. Would it be good or would it be an example of how a fake like him crashed and burned?

Five minutes later, he slipped out the back and headed home leaving his classmates to the tender mercies of their grandmothers.

* * *

**Disclaimer**: This is a Naruto fan fiction. While the author may temporarily appropriate the intellectual property of Mishashi Kishimoto, he does not claim any rights to anything save for his own original characters. He is not making any profit from the use of Kishimoto's creation. In addition, he is selectively picking and choosing elements and then altering some events in order to fit this story.

If it make any cannon fanatics happy, please kindly inform them that this is an alternate Naruto universe.

If any party does not like the departure from cannon, we caution that no party tries to sue the author since he has no assets to liquidate and the litigating party or parties may be stuck paying United States federal and state taxes on a judgment that is ultimately uncollectable since the author is quite adept on living on nothing but instant ramen and the occasional expired hotdog.

As for elements within this story, it is rated M. The author assumes that he is communicating with reasonable mature individuals that are not offended with coarse language, violence, or even sexual innuendo. There may be citrus and enough Vitamin C to cure a whole pirate fleet struck down with scurvy. If any party cannot tolerate such items or other mature topics, they are invited to click the back button on your web browsers and read the T- or K-rated stories on this sight. There are some good ones out there.

These warnings and disclaimers will apply to this and any succeeding chapters.

Thank you for your cooperation in this matter.

**Atty. Jack Medoffen**

**Small, Whiteman, Johnson, LLP**

**Counsel for Fairy Chipper**


	2. The Prank That Crossed the Line

"**Time is Definitely Cyclical"**

**The Eleventh Hokage**

**By Fairy Chipper**

* * *

**Auditorium**

**Konoha Ninja Academy**

Iruka Umino sat up in his wheelchair as he looked over the next generations of graduates from the Konohagakure no Sato Ninja Academy's Advance Studies Detachment [ASD].

Like many older ninjas, faces of other graduates and fallen comrades seemed to overlap the faces of the students sanding before him. It was all too easy to assume that these children would be the same as their parents and grandparents. However, each student was unique in his or her way. As the oldest active ninja in the village, he had a hand in preparing four generations of student for the rigors of a ninja's life. He had trained three hokage and perhaps one of these students might one day be the fourth hokage the old academy head inspired with the Will of Fire.

He coughed violently, bloody spittle flying into a handkerchief. This would be his last class. The lung cancer was slowly spreading despite the surgery and chemotherapy. 82-years-old, Iruka Umino had outlived hundreds of his peers and far too many of his students. Only Hiashi Hyūga and Shizune Hatake were older then he and they all officially retired from service decades ago. Even the first generation of his students had long since retired from the active ninja ranks. The last retiree, Sakura Haruno, had stepped down as head of Konoha's hospital five years ago. He had buried his wife, Anko, two months ago and was soon expecting to join her within a year or two.

To his right were the ninth hokage, Jiraiya Uzumaki, and recently retired eighth hokage, Konohamaru Sarutobi. To his left was his granddaughter, Keiko Umino, a sixteen year old chunin whose current assignment was being an instructor's assistant.

Suppressing the urge to giggle uncontrollably, Iruka remembered the current hokage was three-years-old and proudly wore nothing but a cape and underwear on his head while proclaiming himself the future 'Super Pervert Kage' in unknowing honor of his namesake. He remembered chasing and successfully capturing former hokage, Konohamaru Sarutobi, and his predecessor Naruto Uzumaki after the pair had pulled another mega prank. Even as jonin, they could not outrun the legendary god of professors and child nabbers. Their children were far worse and their grandchildren.

Even today, ANBU operatives were still in awe of his kid capture record. He could still capture pranksters, even if he was still in a wheelchair due to severe arthritis in the knees. He remembered hauling their kids, nephews, nieces, and grandkids to the hokage and letting them deal with the fallout of their pranking careers.

_Time is truly cyclical_.

Standing in the front of the two cadet companies were the two troublemakers of the current class. Takeo Hatake and Saiko Momochi always seemed to be the center of chaos. Depending upon your point of view, they were better or worse Konohamaru and Naruto combined. Their missions often took a surreal turn. Takeo would do something stupid. Saiko would try to talk the pair's way out trouble. He almost felt sorry for Saiko. The boy constantly had to pull Takeo out of the flames. Then Saiko would do something to show the world that he is the real brains behind the pranking duo. Takeo was still clumsy and amateurish in his approach while Saiko pranks were more subtle and ironic. The day Saiko Momochi replaced the regular coffee with decaff nearly cause a national emergency. Ninjas forces moved on caffeine and even ANBU was slow to notice the noddy sleepy heads filling up the cubicles in the Hokage Tower. Even Ichiro Lee, the successor to the Lee's place as the village's fountain of youth was about as energetic as a Nara.

He saw Takeo hand Saiko a 500-ryo bill just before the pair assumed their places in the formation and whisper something into the taller boy's ear. Iruka smiled. He could interfere with the prank that was going to happen or he could wait and then step in like the professional he was. He decided that he would let things play out – it was more fun than acting like the old fuddy-duddy. He looked up at his youngest granddaughter Keiko, who looked like a clone of her grandmother. Despite being sixteen, she was a chunin working at the academy as an assistant instructor and would soon serve as a chunin-senpai or assistant to a jonin-sensei. This was a big career move as most chinin-senpai were in their late teens or early-20's. The days of six-year-old prodigies serving in combat were long gone. Due to the establishment of the Advanced Studies Detachment, most genin were 14 or 15 before being allowed to execute missions outside of the village area.

Keiko looked down at him and smiled.

Thankfully she was dressed in a formal kimono rather than an updated version of her grandmother's more provocative outfits.

It is one thing to let other mens perve on your wife. It was fun to see some young buck froth at the mouth at the sight of your wife. You get see their faces and rub it in that you are the one performing banned erotic ninjutsu techniques upon the sexy bombshell tonight, not them.

However, seeing some leech perve on your granddaughter is a little creepy and downright disgusting. It is bad enough to see your daughter get married and know that she is going to do the mattress mambo. That is the price you paid for grandkids to spoil, but to see or even think of your innocent granddaughter…Thankfully most people die by the time the great-grandkids appear.

"Miss Cuddles is going to have another play-date with her two favorite playmates, isn't she?"

Iruka did not bother answering the question since any answer would incriminate the former pranking king of Konoha. Since Keiko was another former prankster and alert to his feelings of impending doom, he did not have to warn her to be ready.

Keiko smiled and whispered into her grandfather's ear, "Don't worry, _ojiisan_ (grandpa), I got the umbrella ready!"

* * *

Konohamaru felt an all too familiar chill up his spine. It was not the arthritis flaring up, but rather his pranking sense. Someone was going to get pranked tonight. He looked and saw the predatory smiles of his grandson, Takeo, and his buddy in crime, Saiko.

_The little cretins were going to actually do it. They were going to prank a kage. I definitely got to get this one on film. Too bad Umino-sensei is here. The probability of escape is zero. If they do, definitely sign them up for the ANBU selection exam._

The pair could escape from ANBU but no one, not even Naruto Uzumaki could escape the legendary god of academy instructors. Hell even with a wheelchair, the old man would simply use his blackthorn cane to whap these new a new bump or two in the truants' head.

He wondered if he should warned his fellow kage, but he decided that hokage and former prankster Jiraiya Uzumaki should already have developed his impending prank sensing abilities. If not, he was overdue for another educational experience about never getting too comfortable. A kage always has to be worried about ambush.

Instead Konohamaru gave the special eye signal to his wife who responded with a little giggle behind her new tessen (folding iron fan). Kages were powerful, but Hanabi controlled Konohamaru's access to ramen with a not so gentle touch and with a word or two to Sakura Haruno could reschedule him for another visit with the proctologist. Hanabi was a fellow prankster. The only difference was that her pranking nature was not exposed until the legendary prank wars that occurred after their chunin exam forty-six years ago.

Konohamaru did not want Hanabi to have another excuse to restart the health food kick again. One more plate of micro greens and alfalfa sprouts with lime juice would kill him. And that proctologist had to be a clone of Orochimaru with the way he was too eager to dig his hands and probes up a fellow man's ass.

Instead of warning his successor, Konohamaru slowly cast his water and ink repelling jutsu and prepared a quick replacement technique that would switch him with his grandson, Takeo Hatake. He was older, had grey hair and sore joints in his back from decades of being hunched over paperwork, but he was still a vicious prankster who believed in getting back with a little interest, okay excessive interest. With a finger flick, he warned ANBU to not warn the hokage or interfere. Instead, he ordered them to record the prank from multiple angles. This video would join Konohamaru's collection.

"It is time for you all to say farewell to your time as a student at the Advance Studies Detachment and resume your duties as full-time genin for the Leaf. You all have worked hard and earned your ratings as specialists. Please come forward and collect your diplomas as your name is called."

After an eternity, the class was happy that the hokage finished his rendition of the Will of Fire/Flames of Youth/Go and why the fight against the Putrid Purple Slack Jawed Worm and its Care Bear minions is the critical battle against Sucker Smurf's plan to dominate Candyland while... Even the Hyuga contingent was in agony. After two seconds listening to the hokage's speech, even Hiashi Hyuga was cursing the fact that his grandson, Jaraiya, seemed to get his pointers on public speaking by channeling the long dead spirits of the Hyuga elders.

Finally the crowd applause in the vain attempt to signal the hokage that everyone including his mother wanted to smash the new hokage dumb. Hinata's fists were white as she visibly resisted the urge to walk up, yank her erring son by the ear, and lead him home. She gave him all the attention he ever wanted as a kid, why would he feel the need to torment his mother by forcing her to stand there with a full bladder while he babbled on and on. Even Naruto was not that clingy for attention.

Thankfully, Konohamaru _accidentally _stomped the hokage's foot and took over while the hokage silently jumped around in pain.

"Class, while my successor's speech is motivational and stresses the duties and perils all ninjas of the leaf face, let us never forget that today is your day. You all have worked hard to get here. As we had each student his or her diploma, I only ask that you keep your applause short so we can honor all our hardworking students in a timely manner."

Tetsuo Akimichi, Esquire – Genjutsu and Taijutsu Specialist. Also, he earned his master chief credentials from the kitchens of the Fire Lord and is admitted to bar and is recognized to practice law before the Courts of the Fire Lord and Land of Wave. He is also the class valedictorian with a 99.8-percent final score and graduated summa cum laude. He score is the highest recorded score in ASD history. Battalion Adjutant.

Ryoto Aburame – Hunter Nin, and Intelligence Specialist. Awarded the Fire Leaf Medal and made Companion of the Order of the Eternal Flame for exemplary bravery and service in the face of adversity. Final Score, 98.3 percent, summa cum laude. Battalion Commander. Salutatorian for ASD Class 42.

Maiko Hyūga – Class-B Fūinjutsu, Class-A Taijutsu, and Class-A Ranged Weapons Specialist Final score, 97.8-percent, Summa cum laude, Platoon Commander ASD Class 42.

Saiko Momochi – Command, class-C fūinjutsu, class-B ninjutsu, and melee weapons specialist. Awarded the Fire Leaf Medal and Companion of the Order of the Eternal Flame for exemplary bravery and service in the face of adversity. Won the class cup for melee weapons challenge. Final Score: 96.9-percent. Company A Commander. Summa cum laude, ASD Class 42.

Akamaru Inuzuka – Class-A Medic-Nin in both human and veterinary medicine, reconnaissance, and taijutsu specialist. Final scores, 95.4-percent final score. Battalion Chief Medical Officer. Summa cum laude, ASD Class 42.

Kenji Uzuki – Genjutsu and kenjutsu specialist. Final scores, 93.1-percent final score, Platoon Leader, Cum laude, ASD Class 42.

Hirotaka Suzuki – Ninjutsu and sabotage/demolitions specialist. Final scores, 92.6-percent final score. Company A Executive Officer, Cum laude, ASD Class 42

Gairo Lee – Taijutsu and kenjutsu specialist. Won the class cup for physical fitness and taijutsu. Final scores, 92.8-percent final score. Battalion Plans and Training Officer, Cum laude, ASD Class 42

Ayume Yuhui – Genjutsu and ninjutsu specialist. Class-B medic nin. Final scores, 92.3-percent final score. Assistant Battalion Medical Officer, Cum laude, ASD Class 42.

Kiba Inuzuka – Taijutsu, hunter-nin, and reconnaissance specialist. Class-C medic nin. Combat search and rescue qualified. Final score, 92.2-percent score. Second Section Leader Leader. Cum laude, ASD Class 42.

Takeo Hatake – Command, Melee Weapons, and Ninjutsu specialist. Awarded the Fire Leaf Medal and made Companion of the Order of the Eternal Flame for exemplary bravery and service in the face of adversity. Final scores, 91.7-percent final score. Company B Commander. Cum laude, ASD Class 42.

Nene Yamanaka – Intelligence analysis, psychological operations, and Class-B medic nin. Final scores, 90.3-percent final score. Battalion Intelligence Officer. Cum laude, ASD Class 42.

Jiro Nara – Counter-intelligence and psychological operations specialist. Final scores, 90.1-percent final score. Platoon Leader Cum laude, ASD Class 42.

The old Hokage then proceeded to pass out diplomas for the rest of the class. Keeping each speech short while touching on the student's unique contribution to the class. In five minutes, 30 students had their diplomas. Konohamaru turned over control of the ceremony with a warning glare. Somehow his successor got the hint and he started wraping up the ceremony. Now everyone was breathlessly awaiting for the hokage to dismiss ASD Class 42.

Class, attention. Dis…."

Before the Jaraiya Uzumaki could finish his sentence, things went surreal.

With a flick of the wrist, Keiko Umino opened up her umbrella protecting her grandfather and herself from the rain of liquid from the sky as the balloons above the crowd exploded. Konohamaru Sarutobi switched places with with Takeo Hatake, whom promptly got smacked by Iruka-sensei's blackthorn cane across the back of his knees. The diplomas of the Inuzuka twins exploded releasing a bomb of paint and stale cat urine. A "Get this stick out of my ass" sign appeared on the back of Maiko Hyūga's kimono. Three ANBU operatives got to enjoy the pleasures of an atomic wedge tag. The floor was covered in lubricant and whoever moved fell right on their asses.

Saiko stood still, assuming the textbook position of attention, his face was impassive. If Hiashi Hyūga was not flat on his rear along with all the other parents and grandparents, he would have given props to Saiko for having a poker face worthy of any Hyūga. Even Konohamaru and Iruka would give the boy man-points for facing punishment without any sign of the impending doom.

Takeo sat up, got hit in the head by Iruka-sensei's wicked cane again, looked at his partner in crime, and then at his grandparents and gulped as Keiko slapped a pair of chakra-resistant handcuffs on him. One end was attached to the old man's wheelchair and the other on his wrist.

"Mother fucker. I really screwed the pouch, didn't I, brother."

Saiko merely waited as the class glared at him. Thankfully, they could not stand up to hit him.

"_I guess that protesting my innocence is too troublesome_," Saiko announced to the world as ANBU summoned a water jutsu to wash the floor and stared clearing out the auditorium.

Thankfully everyone was glaring at Takeo, but he knew that he would be called in to face the wrath of the hokage. He always was called in. If it was not Iruka-sensei or ojii-kage, Takeo would call him in to act as his defense council.

_Maybe, I should have taken Tetsuo's advice and join him in law school. That way, I can get paid to represent Takeo and bail his ass out._

Shikamaru Nara shook his head. He really should get that phrase trademarked. However, it would be too troublesome.

* * *

Three sets of eyes stared down at the two boys as Iruka-examined his blackthorn cane for any splinters.

"Thanks to you, instead of attending a graduation party, I have to deal with the fallout from this…obscenity of a prank. Do you know how much paperwork I have to deal with because you two could not act like adults for one evening," snarled the hokage. "The only thing I am grateful for is that the kazekage has prior commitments and was not here. If he was, this would be an international incident."

The hokage opened his drawer and retrieved a scroll.

"I do not care if Konohamaru-sensei is your grandfather. You will suffer the consequences of your actions. Takeo, I am fining you two A-class missions worth of pay. In addition, you will pay for cleanup and will perform 75 D-class missions for me at no additional charge. For the next twenty-five weekends, I will find the worst D-class missions I can and gods help you. You will do them all with weights and a chakra suppression tag. In addition, you will

"You will find that damn cat and all her demonic offspring whenever it graces out village with its presence.

"You will clean the Inuzuka kennels at the end of every week.

"You will pick up deer poo in the Nara compound at the end of every month with your hands.

"You will clean the Akimichi kitchens after their monthly buffet and they will inspect every dish, glass, kettle, pot, and pan. You will not however, eat any of the food, save for a bowl of cold rice porridge and tofu with no toppings and spices.

"You will be the moving target for the academy's shirukenjutsu class every Tuesday and Thursday.

"Every Wednesday, you will retrieve golf balls of the golf driving range with the benefits of a safety cage and I will make sure your great-grandfather Hiashi gets free driving range pass. In addition, you will serve as his golf caddy. You will be forbidden to use the electric golf carts and have to carry him from hole to hole. You will also have to wear the golf sweater and pants your grandmother will make for you.

"Missions permitting, you will report every evening save for Tuesday and Wednesday after team practice and missions to the Hyūga dojo, where your uncle, Hizashi-niisan, grandmother, Hanabi-oba-sama, or great grandfather, Hiashi-sama, at the Hyūga dojo will personally see to your training and train you using the old Hyūga methods they will.

"If you even think of acting up while practicing, your great grandfather already has your grandmother's, uncle's, and mother's permission to slap the old Caged Bird seal on your ass and activate it until your morale improves and your attitude is towards authority is readjusted. If you do not know, all lessons use to start with dodging practice as they show you the more advanced moves of the gentle fist. Then it is multiple attackers against you until you can to each technique a hundred times in a row perfectly. Your mother and I will also periodically also join in to check your progress. In addition, your father is also going to run you through the traditional Hakate kenjutsu and ninjutsu dodging training.

"These specific missions will be done for free and will not count against your 75 D-rank mission penalty."

Takeo went past white into an area aptly described by one commentator as lightbulb or arclight. He was so pale that his face was unnaturally bright. Gentle Fist was anything but gentle. But golf, that was truly vicious.

When his great grandfather, Hiashi Hyūga, stepped down as head of the Hyūga clan, he took up golf. With great justification, Hiashi prided himself on being able to hit any range marker on the driving range. Despite being shy of his 100th birthday, Hiashi regularly beat professional golfers fifty to seventy years his junior.

Once Hiashi Hyūga started playing golf, the rest of the clan followed, even donating land and money to start up a golf range. The ninjas and nobility of the Land of Fire joined the craze. Now every retired ninja played ninja golf at the driving range where they tried to hit the range markers so hard they blast holes in them. The village leadership also play whack the marker which solidified the new custom. If you wanted to talk to the real decision makers in the village, you played golf. Disputes were settled and wagering on one's ability to wack the poor genin tasked with retrieving golf balls was the new norm.

Even with his gentle fist training and the byakugan, Takeo knew would get hit by golf balls. Every retired and active jonin would try to knock him out. It was a cruel manifestation of the true nature of a ninja. They see a moving, helpless target and they cannot resist hitting it. Toss in the old school training methods. Modern gentle fist training was harsh enough. The older training methods either made you a master or broke your body and spirit.

"You will be the poster child of miserable. You will be a warning to any future prankster who thinks that pranking the entire class and disrupting the graduation ceremony will make you a legend. Yes, you will be a legend…the legend of the little cretin who suffered as no genin ever suffered. I will make you cry so hard that everyone will think that I am giving you the 1,000 years of death.

"Worse yet, you dragged down your friend, Saiko Momochi, with you. Why he stands up for you, Hatake-san, when you get yourself in trouble is beyond me? Your actions made your grandmothers Hanabi-obasan and Shizune-obasan cry. I respect both your grandmothers and dislike any _baka_ (idiot)who would make them cry out of shame. Your grandfather, a man I respect as my mentor, the man who help raised me after my father died, my second father, fell on his knees, bent his arthritic back, kowtow nine times while begging me to spare you."

Jiraiya Uzumaka was literally spitting on the two boys.

"If it was not for him and the shame you will bring upon some mutual relatives, I would gladly kick you out of the ninja program with a dishonorable discharge and give you a dull knife to commit sepuku. He was on the verge of committing sepuku if that was what it would take to spare my wraith. Why he did not strangle you at birth is beyond me?

"Because of this, now I cannot put both of you on the same team. I honestly thought that A-class mission matured you. Being a ninja is not fun and games. How you two survived long enough is a mystery to me? Maybe the gods take care of fools."

The hokage looked as if he was going to rip their hearts out of the shorter boy's chest. He then focused his gaze on the taller boy.

"As for you Saiko Momochi, I know that you think that embodying the Will of Fire means to save your buddy from his just desserts. It does not. However, you are going to practice tough love and let your pal suffer the consequences. I am assigning to you to an intelligence/infiltration team whose duties will keep you away from your pal until he finishes his punishment.

"Unless you are admitted to the bar and are representing Takeo as his attorney at his court martial, I never want to see you in front of me trying to talk his way out of his mess.

"Saiko Momochi, you will be assigned to Team Seven. Your jōnin, Tora Uzumaki, and chūnin-senpai, Keiko Umino, will keep you and your teammates, Maiko Hyūga and Akamura Inuzuka too busy to worry about the fate of the doomed boy to your right."

Saiko turned pale at the mention of his two team mates.

He thought he almost got away with his part of the graduation prank. He almost smiled when they mentioned the name of his team's chunin-senpai. However, he was stuck with the two harpies from hell. They would blame him for not being with Takeo. From the intensity of their attacks, he knew that these two girls monthly cycles marched in lockstep. That was never great news when you were the designated punching bag. There was no way he would survive one month, let alone six. The hokage was toying with him like a cat toys with trapped mouse.

"Any more words?"

Saiko confessed hoping that maybe they will send him to driving range where a jōnin launch golf-ball would put him out of his misery.

"Hokage-sama. I planned this prank by myself and executed it by myself. Takeo is blameless. I am the one you should punish, not Takeo."

The hokage looked at the boy and flared his byukagan.

"This is a new low, Takeo. Your pal actually lied to me and expected that confession to your acts would spare you. Saiko-san, you have big, brass balls thinking that you can save your pal by lying to me and taking his punishment. You will be punished, but I am leaving that punishment in the hands of your jōnin-sensei.

"Takeo, after you leave this room, you will go to your grandmother and all her friends to do with you what they will. If they need a pack mule to accompanying them on a shopping excursion, you are it. If they want you to message them, you are it. If they want you to help garden, model their hand knit clothing, or do anything, you are on call. I am leaving now. In addition, you will go to Rock Lee's dojo at 4:00 a.m. tomorrow and enjoy his 'most youthful training program.' I expect you to wear green spandex. The haircut and bushy eyebrows are optional for now. I guarantee you will neither have the time nor energy to misbehave ever again. Sarutobi-sama and Umino-sensei will have a few words with the both of you."

With that the hokage left the room.

Takeo asked, "Grandpa, are you…"

Konohamaru Sarutobi shook his head. He then looked over at Iruka Umino and said, "Do you remember what you did, sensei, when you caught Naruto and I…"

Iruka-sensei smiled as he stood up out of his wheelchair hefting his legendary blackthorn cane.

"Boys, did I ever tell you time is cyclical. Certain events repeat with every generation. I am going to do to you what my chunin-sensei did for me on my graduation day when I pulled a prank on my graduation ceremony. I have shared this method of education with three hokage and one day one of you two may be the fourth. One day, you two may share this expression of concern and love for your cute little students."

Konohamaru jabbed the pair in a pressure point so the pair could not run away. Just because he did not have the byugakan did not mean that he did not know some of the more effective pressure points of the human body that temporarily induced paralysis. He then dispassionately loosened their belts and proceeded to drop their pants and underwear. Iruka looked down as he pulled out a rattan cane.

"I never knew they came in extra small, boys," he joked. "Your girlfriends will be sorely disappointed. Perhaps a snapshot posted on the school bulletin board would solve your girl problems, Takeo."

The old academy instructor whacked the cane on their asses and the boys screamed.

The boys limped out of the office nursing welts on their rear and the back of their legs.

"Dude, I am so fucked and there was no lube," complained Takeo, "Promise me that you will visit my memorial marker."

Saiko shook his head as he snapped back at his pal, "Yes _dude_, I promise to piss on your headstone."

"What is your boggle, dude?"

Saiko clenched his fist. Waited, counted to ten under his breath, waited and counted again before answering.

"Boggle. Dude…dude…problem. Yes I got a problem. Let's see. First, you talk like you have hit the Hatake medicinal marijuana clinic a little too hard. Yes, you are fucked, but your grandpa bent be over and gave me the 100,000, not 10,000 years of death, sans lubrication. I wish I could be out on that driving range right now. One perfectly hit golf ball and it will all be over. You go to the hospital and your grandma will mother you back to health and force the hokage to back down.

"However, I am stuck for six months in the field alone with bitch and tits shrieking their eternal love and devotion for you with no change of getting that million ryo wound that will end the pain. At least you get to go in your room and jack off to porno. Hell, you can use your free time to pick up a girl, cash in your V-card, and get married before they come back. Me. I get to enjoy my time in hell. I get to see Keiko-sensei in her skimpy mission wear and maybe even see her naked. However, I am stuck with mutt girl that can smell semen a mile away or your cousin who will probably see me break down and jack off. She will then give me the legendary Hyuga castration strike and oophs, no amount of Viagra will ever get me up again. Hell, Keiko-senpai could offer me the grand slam experience, but I won't be able to perform because your psycho-cousin and her bitchy best pal won't…Screw it, whatever."

Takeo grabbed a hold of Saiko's arm and looked into the crazed boy's face.

Saiko continued, "I already know that I am going to have a case of blue balls and I cannot do a damn thing about it. I cannot even risk a wet dream. And no, seducing one of your fan girls to relief the pressure is not going to happen. I cannot risk ninety years of having my soul sucked out and chained. I definitely will go gay first."

"Would you if Maiko was the last girl on earth and the future of humanity depends on your fertility?" Takeo asked.

Saiko looked at his crazy pal, "I would sign myself up for a rectal probe first. It cannot be that bad based upon the number of gay men out there. Hell, it might be quite pleasurable. Knowing your family, Maiko will probably live longer than your great grandfather and somehow keep me alive just as long out of sheer spite."

"So it is Akamaru, I did not know you like feral girls. I bet she is wild in the sack."

"Takeo, are you stupid? If you want to see if Akamaru is kinky, all you have to do is hop in her room and ask. She will definitely claim your V-card and then proceed to chain you down until she has your little puppy and a claim on you for the rest of your life. Then she will suck out your soul until you become a pale reflection of what you once were. As for Maiko, that will be the biggest mistake you ever made. With the longevity that runs in the Hyūga side of your family, it might be forever."

Both boys shuddered. These girls were pretty, quite pretty and if they did not know better, they would have made the mistake of hooking up with those two soul sucking harpies.

"So it's Keiko."

Saiko took a quick look to make sure this conversation remained private.

"Takeo, if I was only a chūnin and two years older, Keiko-senpai and I would already be married and I would be fighting my newborn brat for some Keiko milk shake time. I have seen pictures of her grandmother and gods Iruki-sensei must have been an expert seducer back in the day to score a babe like that. I am surprise he did not have twenty kids instead of the three he had. Keiko-senpai is hella fine, is sweat, and she can cane my ass anytime. Stick and stones may break my bones, but Mistress Keiko's chains and whips excite me," said Saiko with a dreamy smile on his face.

"Dude, you have it bad. I hope you are happy. Now that you are gone with my fanclub, maybe I can find romance."

"Which one?"

Takeo pointed with his lips towards a blond girl.

"Nene," Takeo decided. "She is curvy in the right places and unlike cousin Maiko, does not require you to wear aluminum foil under your hat cap to prevent your mind from getting raped."

"I would not bet on it. Isn't Nene Yamanaka Maiko's cousin? I mean, Maiko's other grandmother is Ino Saito, formerly head of the Yamanaka clan. They are the reason we have to sleep with the aluminum foil under our nightcaps and wear foil on our heads. Therefore, Nene could hack your perverted mind once you are starting to put the moves on her. One look and she will probable give you a fetish for that damn cat or playing with poop."

"Damn it, Saiko. Why do you have to be a know it all? Can you let a boy enjoy his dream for a little while before you burst his bubble? Ayume Yuhui is out since her great grandfather is my grandfather's uncle."

"Ryota, buddy."

Takeo paused and started to think about it.

Saiko continued, "She likes you, is quite the looker under that trench coat, and will look favorably upon you. Her clan will see the value in your relationship and will not stand in your way. She owes you a favor for taking that hit for her on that mission. She has great personality without the need for an ugly bag. If her name was not Aburame, boys will be lining up to tap that girl. Besides, wouldn't it be worth if Akamura and Maiko return to only be the bridesmaid who lost to Ryota Aburame. The horror of the two class primadonna losing out to an Aburame... There is no better revenge."

"Ryota, I got to think about that one. She is kind of cute and definitely nice. Besides I need something to think of when I pull my next prank. I am going to teach Cousin Jiraiya the reason you never let an impressionable genin be near Rock Lee for very long. If I am going to be stuck with the cult of youth, let me embrace it."

Saiko laughed at the thought. Takeo had embaced the uberprank. A prank so awesomely terrible that afterwards the Grandma Union will definitely yank the hokage by the ear before pimp-slapping him.

"That is dangerous territory, even if it is only part of the most awesomest prank ever, Takeo. Hell, I too may join just to creep out your fan club. Just make sure you don't cast 'that' genjutsu around me or give me a heads up so I can put on my blindfold first. Let us go and face the crowd. We both got to report for duty in the morning."

Konohamaru smiled as he overheard his two grandsons making plans. Despite having different last names, they were definitely Sarutobi males. Sarutobi males are cursed to chase girls until the girl caught them. He would even admit that the pair played a better game than he ever did.

Takeo was laid back like Konohamaru's uncle Asuma. Saiko was more like Konohamaru's grandfather, using his mind to launch plans that only a Sarutobi could invent and execute. Ryota did not stand a chance and her calmer deposition would be a good match for his wilder grandson. Besides, he could not wait for Takeo to show Jiraiya exactly why you had to think fifteen steps ahead when dealing with a prankster. Jiraiya had created hell and the boy is going to match his hell and raise him the Cult of Youth and a Sunset no jutsu.

Konohamaru quickly jotted down a note to buy a pair of wielder goggles.

_However, which girl would be the best match for Saiko?_

Akamaru had that aggressive Inuzuki vibe that challenged males to dominate them.

Maiko was a little Hyūga huntress with feline grace and a vicious knowledge of the Yamanaka mind arts.

This was definitely match up worthy of Icha-Icha. He could imaging the two furries loving their hero Little Sai and his quest to make peace between the princess of the dog and cat clans by sharing the power of love to turn mud wrestling and cat fights into the start of a unified harem. He had to remember to place the tracking tattoo on Saiko so that he could use the crystal ball.

Icha-Icha died with Naruto. Tomorrow, Konohamaru will resurrect the brand with Icha-Icha the Princess' Animal Tamer.

_The memories of young love_.

Konohamaru remembered the period in life he vowed to enjoy that pedo-sannin Orochimaru finger banging his ass before even considering kissing Hanabi. She had the trademark Hyūga stick up her ass syndrome. However, fate ensured that all it took a couple drinks of the legendary Uzushiogakure's Onikoroshi (demon slayer) sake and the pair found themselves naked in a rented bed.

It seemed the frequent sex had the effect of curing the Hyūga-stick-up-ass syndrome. The problem was that he had forgotten that Hyūga women tended to be very fertile.

That legendary night ended up resulting in their unique version of Icha Icha. Naruto later wrote _Icha Icha – Run Monkey-baka Run_ that recounted Konohamaru and Hanabi's nine-month, seventeen-nation run from her father, Haishi with the legendary castration jutsu. It was only the fact that Hanabi went into labor that save him from the castration jutsu when Big Daddy caught up with the pair. Thankfully the names where changed to protect the guilty.

Eight daughters and fourteen and a half grandkids, the half coming in a couple months.

Konohamaru looked at his other grandson. Being a hokage meant potentially ordering your closest friend to die. Even if you did not personally know the ninja you are sending out to die, it was still a human life.

He still remembered the cost of that lesson.

Sixteen years ago, Kenta Kobayashi, alias Maru, a member of the Hidden Mist's seven swordsman and de facto leader was threatening the stability of the nation. He was responsible for the death of several Konoha's elite ANBU teams. When the Mizukage went to him to cash in on a favor by destroying the political power enjoyed by the current generation of swordsmen, Konohamaru obliged.

ANBU Operative Keiko, or firefly, was the lone survivor of one of the ANBU squads. She sought a 'mission of exemplary service,' a suicide mission, so she could rejoin her comrades in the afterlife.

It seemed the perfect match. She would hunt down and kill Kobayashi or die trying. She would be disavowed and wanted for desertion. She agreed to have the Yamanaka clan implant an inner personality akin to the naturally occurring inner personalities of the Haruno clan. This new personality would be active most of the time until Keiko could act.

Senior ANBU Operative Keiko, Emiko Momochi, left ANBU and 'deserted' after the hokage publically refused her request to hunt down Kenta Kobayashi. She was declared a Class-B missing nin and her profile reported her to be a former chūnin, jōnin-candidate in the ranks of Konoha's border patrol. She raised a team of bandits in Wave and terrorized both Wave and Water Countries. Pressure from Konoha border forces under contract to Wave Country _forced_ the band of bandits into Water Country. The bandits ravaged the west coast of the Land of Water. They slaughtered several Hidden Mist teams including an entire ninja platoon sent out to capture or kill the bandits. Soon the Mizugakure bingo book reported that that Emiko Momochi, codename the Black Moccasin, was a Class-A criminal and that anyone below the rank of jōnin was to run away on sight.

As planned, the Seven Swordsmen were dispatched to deal with the threat. Three Swordsmen were killed or incapacitated in the initial skirmish. For two months, Kenta Kobayashi and the remaining swordsmen hunted down the bandit leader. Momochi showed why she was a Senor ANBU Operative and whittle down the number of Swordsmen to two and brought her ranking up to S-Class. However, in the end, the bandit queen was captured and presumed dead.

Sarutobi planned another operation, but Kenta Kobayashi died from terminal cancer a few years later. Nature accomplice what two kage failed to do, or that was what everyone believed.

Five years ago, he found out otherwise.

A Jonin-sensei and former ANBU operative located the now Class-S missing-nin Emiko Momochi dying of terminal cancer and a starving nine-year-old boy who was holding off his genin with a small hatchet. The jonin overpowered the boy and brought the pair back to Konoha.

Emiko had accomplice the mission and in such a way that Kobayashi would not become a martyr.

Kenta did not kill his captive. His ego would not allow him to simply kill such an enemy, especially a strong female who threaten the male hold on power. No, he had to break her defiance. Instead, he held her as his slave and raped her on a daily basis, often in front of others to show the world that he 'owned that bitch.' Rape was about power and he loved exercising power. He made her carry his son and force her to be subservient slave. She simply poisoned the Swordsman's favorite sake with a carcinogen and let cancer do its thing. To ensure that no one would be suspicious, she too drank the sake and contracted cancer.

After Kobayashi's death, no one wanted a sickly slave dying from terminal cancer or her brat so she was simply dumped on the shores of Wave. Mist did not know that she made copy of Kobayashi's family's jutsu scrolls or that Kobayashi had a bloodline. Emiko was the perfect infiltration operative. She killed her target without letting anyone know that a murder took place, secured valuable intelligence, and obtain a bloodline for Konoha. If this mission was not so politically sensitive, her exploits would be the stuff of legend.

Instead, he was forced to watch as she died.

Emiko could have been saved with a bone marrow transplant. DNA tests located a potential donor, her biological father – Konohamaru Sarutobi. Thirty five years ago, he had a one-night affair with a prostitute and it resulted with the birth of a child who would grow up in the Wave's orphanage, the Zabuza Momochi Home for Boys and Girls. The child go on to become a Konoha ninja. He could have saved his daughter, but he did not. When he told her that he was her father and offer her a chance at life, Emiko refused it. She told him that all she wanted was to ensure that her son would be taken care of.

Arrangements were made and soon Emiko passed on to join with her fallen comrades as she requested. Konohamaru made sure that his personal physician would foster the boy and introduced the boy to his grandson, Takeo. The two became thicker than twins, closer than many brothers.

His grandsons were on the cusp of becoming men, but they certainly had a lot more development in front of them. He wondered which one would make him a great-grandfather first.


	3. Team Assignments

**Team Assignments**

**The Eleventh Hokage**

**By Fairy Chipper**

**Disclaimer:**_Masashi Kishimoto__owns the rights to Naruto. I am not Masahi Kishimoto. Therefore, I do not own the rights to Naruto._

**Rock Lee's Dojo**

**04:00**

It was 4:00 a.m. and Takeo Hatake was prepared to make the commitment of a lifetime.

He looked at his new sensei. From his great-aunt, Tenten and his grandmother, Shizune, he heard about the eccentricities of Rock Lee and his mentor, Maito Gai. The Gai-Lee Line of Youth had been the eternal rivals of the Hatake Clan. His father was pestered by Rock Lee and Mamoru Lee. His grandfather, Kakashi, was pestered by Maito Gai. His great grandfather, Sakumo, was pestered by Maito Goi. Now he had to deal with Gairo Lee.

What the Uzumaki and Hatake Clan were to ninjutsu, the Lee Clan was to taijutsu. No one doubted that the retired tokubetsu jōnin was the best fitness and taijutsu instructor in the village. The academy used a toned down version of the nutrition and exercise program he developed forty years ago.

However, very few managed to survive the original program. One hundred laps around the village on one's hands, wearing several hundred pounds of weights, while juggling boulders with one's feet was an excellent chakra control and physical training exercise, but one that not even most ANBU would attempt. However, today, it was his turn to prove that he could beat the insane training requirements that frightened his ancestors for four generations.

And it was all because he wanted payback.

_I am going to show that 'stick up the ass' hokage that no one messes with Takeo Hatake. I will make him rue the day he assigned me to golf ball retrieval duty and training sessions with the Cult of Youth._

_I will use the sunset no jutsu until my dearest cousin's retinas burn out and he pleads for mercy. And I will strike down all those who attempt to stop my pranks. And they will know that they will never win for I am Takeo Hatake and I just roll like that._

Takeo resisted the urge to crackle uncontrollably at the image of the new hokage cowering in front of his Youth no jutsu.

Rock Lee looked at his newest student. Despite his grey hair and grey bushy eyebrows, the tokubetsu jōnin's body was as fit and trim as the day he made tokubetsu jōnin. He moved with the grace of a man thirty years his junior. Only greying hair and a few wrinkles betrayed his age. The retired ninja examined the young men in front of him, his bushy eyebrows twitching as his dark eyes attempted to examine Takeo's soul.

Takeo was dressed in a form-fitting, shiny-silver, spandex, one-piece jumpsuit that left no detail to the imagination. He was as shiny as those actors in those super sentai shows.

To his right was his eternal rival, Gairo Lee in an equally-shiny, red-spandex, jumpsuit. Green was reserved for those few individuals who mastered the Lee family style and totally embraced the Cult of Youth.

"Young Takeo. I know that your journey here was not voluntary. Jiraiya-hokage sent you here as punishment for your most un-youthful pranks. Despite what many may thing, this dojo is not a place of punishment. It is a place for those seeking to be their best. As sensei for this dojo, I can release you from this training stating that this place is not the right fit for you."

Takeo bowed towards his new teacher letting his forehead touch the floor. The hokage thought that this punishment would break him and make him a 'good-boy.'

He resisted the urge to laugh out loud a the image of his decease grandfather Kakashi Hatake's face when he found out that his only grandson joined the Cult of Youth.

"_Takeo is a good boy. Yeah right. It is time I pull out my Hidden jutsu...prank no jutsu..._

Nothing happen. However, this jutsu would take a long time to prepare.

..._Well nothing will happen yet, but later...later I promise that I will summon something so powerful that cousin Jiraiya will feel powerless in the place where he believes himself the most powerful..._

_There are no coincidences, only the illusion of coincidences. Fate had delivered to me a sign of what I must embrace. For the hokage's crime of prank-breaking, the only verdict is vengeance, a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain. Irony shall be my weapon. This is the most important moment of your life, Takeo. Commit to it._

"Lee-sensei, I humbly beg you to show me the ways of youth. When I falter, I shall look up to you and be inspired. I shall find my Hidden Youth and share it with all of Konoha, no...I will share it with the world!"

A smile erupted from Rock Lee's face at Takeo's vow.

"Grandson Gairo Lee, your eternal rival has asked to join us in the Springtime of Youth. You shall be his senpai and help him find his path. You two will travel together and one day, I will be proud that you two will surpass me. What do you say?"

Gairo Lee was excited. He had witnessed the impossible. His eternal rival became a follower on the path to Youth. Better yet, his grandfather told him that if he worked hard enough that he could surpass his grandfather.

"Yes, _ojiisan_ (grandfather). I will show Takeo-kun the ways of Youth. If I ail, I will do twenty pushups with my tongue. I will..."

Rock Lee two fingers snapped out. He held his grandson's tongue and prevented it from moving.

"Grandson, be careful when you make the unbreakable vow."

Rock Lee released his grandson's tongue.

"But ojiisan, the unbreakable vow is the secret behind our family's art and the cornerstone of our tradition. I must uphold the vow. I am you grandson. To do any less is to shame our ancestors and the Gai family who shared with us their traditions."

Rock Lee barely held back a tear. But he took a deep breath and bluntly admitted in a sheepish tone, "I am not saying for you to break a vow. Just you must be careful when making your vow."

"How so?"

"Think through what will happen if you have to follow through a vow. Your father, aunts, and uncles were all conceived when I had to uphold the vow to do twenty push-ups with my tongue in front of the Land of Iron's _onna-begeisha_ (upper class female warrior trained in the samurai arts) delegation at the women's bath. That vow is the reason you have six grandmothers and so many aunt, uncles, and cousins, I had to fight your twelve granduncles, and walk to the Land of Iron sky clad to challenge several dozen suitors for your grandmothers."

Gairo Lee was excited. Takeo had heard rumors, but here was the actual man who knew the truth why there were so many Lees in the village despite the spandex.

"One day, a vow may lead you to find the lady or ladies with whom you will share your youth. However, you WILL spend at least seven more years fanning your flames of youth and learning the gentlemanly arts before you even THINK of following through on that vow."

Takeo kept silent. He had found out the answer to the eternal question that plagued the Hatake Clan for generations – _How do Lees manage to find a female willing to reproduce with them?_

**The Aburame Clan Compound**

**05:30**

"_Yamada-sensei..."_

_Despite her cries, Yamada-sensei merely smiled as he walked towards his death._

_She wanted to move, to trade places with her team's temporary sensei, Yamada Kamazuki, but she could not move or even warn the others of the ambush that she knew was coming._

_A hulking rock-man hybrid sprung forth from the earth and smashed into Yamada. His lazy smile remained despite his jaw being ripped off. His right eye was a pink mist separating from his body._

_On her right, Saiko Momochi pulled out his axe while swearing an oath to the King of the Underworld to kill the enemy or die trying. On her left, Takeo whipped out a pair of metal tipped tonfa simultaneously blocking blows while attacking the bandits charging the caravan._

_Ryota stood there unable to move. She was frozen – Her fear rooting her to the spot. She called for her allies to come forth and battle the missing nin and bandits. They were supposed to respond as they did that day. However, they did not respond to her now._

"_What's the matter, little bitch? Never seen blood before? I guarantee you will see blood when I rape your virgin hole and cut up your face, cunt!"_

_Ryota tried to move. She tried to do anything to stop this nightmare. However, she could not move. A blade flashed in the sun. Saiko fell, his head rolling on the ground. His mouth was flapping, silently calling her coward. It was not supposed to be that way. Saiko was supposed to kill his first foe, buying her the time to deploy her venom beetles. She saw him use his axe and kill his foe, but here, they were cutting him down like one of the training dummies at the academy weapons ranges._

_Takeo then stood in front of her, taking an arrow to his chest. He then turned around and called her an ungrateful bitch and that his only regret was not killing her himself._

_The two missing ninja laughed at Ryota's tears as they took her down towards the ground and ripped off her coat. He was missing half his teeth and what remains were brown rotting stumps that smelled like a cadaver left on a hot roadside in the middle of summer. One proceeded to position himself above her..._

Ryota woke up panting. Despite all the sessions with the Yamanaka psych-nins, the nightmares never stopped. They told her that Yamada-sensei's death was not her fault...That the dreams were normal and would fade in time.

An investigation determined that the team just had bad luck and bad intelligence. Bad luck and bad intelligence can kill even a kage. It was not her fault that intelligence did not find out that the local bandits were recently taken over by two A-Class missing nins. It was a miracle that the three of them managed to kill the two missing nin and retrieved the body of their instructor.

However, it did not stop the guilt. Ryota _knew_ that she should have paid more attention, sent her allies to scout out a wider perimeter. She got complacent while on a routine patrol and it killed Yamada-sensei. Takeo and Saiko took wounds to keep her alive. It should have been her...it was her fault and she should have paid the price.

Ryota stripped out of her clammy pajamas. She hated herself. She hated every breath she took. She was not worth it.

Ryota was an Aburame. She was cursed to carry venom-beetles for her lifetime, to see her children inflicted with venom-beetles, her grandchildren inflicted. She would have to hold them, to lie to them that they were not monsters, to convince them that one day they will find someone who will overlook their tenants.

It was all a lie. The Aburame did not find love. No Aburame would ever find love or even deserve to find love. The sins of the fathers fell on the sons.

Unable to find love, the Aburame would hunt down a female ninja from another village, captured them, raped them, and forced them to bare the next generation of Aburame.

Her mother was a young genin from Otogakure. Her paternal grandmother was a chūnin from Iwa. Her paternal great-grandmother was a genin from Kusa who was captured during the second stage of the chūnin exams. Her great-great-grandmother was from Ame.

Ryota was an aberration – The first, naturally born female Aburame in a generation. She had seen the birthing lairs. Her birth mother was there, grossly pregnant with another one of her half-brothers.

Ryota remembered the screams of her mother, cursing her, telling her that one day, she would end up just like mother, because that was the only way little monsters like her could be made.

Konoha would do nothing about it. The treaty that the Aburame Clan signed when the clan joined the village allowed to raid for wives from clans not allied with the Village Hidden in the Leaves. The abilities of the Aburame were too valuable to lose, but not so valuable that the other clans would donate a daughter or two to ensure that the Aburame clan would continue.

In the mind of ninja from that ear, girls from other villages or non-aligned clans weren't human or deserved human rights. All others were the enemy and the Aburame simply acted accordingly.

It was like the infamous wasp that lays its eggs inside a spider. When the young grows up, they eat their way outside the spider and go forth to lay their eggs inside another spider. The wasp continues on at the expense of the spider. It was her weakness that allowed her to empathize with the spider.

If she was anyone but an Aburame, she would have dropped out of the academy and ended up a civilian. Mentally she did not have the right mindset for this life. It would be better if she was not an Aburame. She would have no more nightmares. She would not be doomed to be unloved. However that choice was taken from her when she was three-weeks-old and the first colony was implanted in her body.

Takeo Hatake took the arrow out of duty. He took the hits because her bugs were draining the chakra and poisoning the two missing nins, making them weaker. If she died her bugs would have gone rampant attacking friends and foe alike. If she was not necessary she would have been left to fend on her own. However, she was stupid enough to hope that maybe he saw something more than a freak with bugs living inside her body.

_What a joke!_

Takeo was the most handsome boy in the class with a collection of rabid fan girls. He could have his pick of almost any girl or even some of the boys in the class. Why would he ever be interested in a monster name Ryota Aburame?

Any attraction she had for him was a waste of time and therefore illogical. Ryota vowed to embrace logic. It was emotions that gave her these nightmares and made her feel. If she could only stop feeling, then it would all stop. She would not feel bad anymore and be able to function like the monster she was breed to be.

Ryota took a deep breath and vowed for the thousandth time to forego emotion and embrace logic. It was the only way for her to move on. Maybe one day, she would not hurt so much.

**The Inuzuka Clan Compound**

**06:30**

Today was not a good day for Akamaru Inuzuka. Everything went wrong. Father was upset that she showed up her idiot brother, Kiba by outscoring him on the final exams.

Her twin brother, Kiba, was not academically inclined. Very few Inuzuka were. The only reason he did not funk out the advance studies detachment was the fact that he cheated off of her on the exams and father had her do his homework.

_It was either do his homework or wash the clothing and she did not want to touch the dirty underwear_.

It was not Akamaru's fault that her stupid brother did not study what was on the syllabus. Instead of following instructions, he focused what little studying he did on Inuzuka Clan techniques. If Grandma Haruno did not confirm that Kiba was indeed her brother, she would believe that her real brother at birth was switched with a pet rock.

If Konoha did not demand literacy as a prerequisite for the academy, three-quarters of the clan would probably be illiterate. Worse, they will probably be as proud of it as they were proud about not taking a bath in the past week.

Father liked Kiba, because: (1) He acted as if he had the mental capacity of an average Inuzuka which was on par with a retarded 9-year-old still fixated with the pull-the-finger joke or jokes about _dooty_; (2) He had a microscopic piece of flesh that one can generously call a penis (by toy poodle standards), and (3) Kiba was not the runt of the litter.

Father hated her. When he was drunk he told her that he held her responsible for her mother's death. She had died soon after childbirth.

Kiba always seemed to be in perfect health. Akamaru was always extremely small and suffered from asthma. To her father, it was the gods punishing her for killing her mother. If it was not for both her grandmothers and the Inuzuka clan law prohibiting the casting out of any human from the clan without significant cause, she would have already been out on the street or drowned at birth.

Akamaru resisted the urge to smack her father sober when she heard her father wishing her dead. She hated him and vow to one day make his life a living hell.

He was stuck with her and she was going to ensure that father was going to suffer. She would ensure that when he was old enough to be set aside, he would end up with extra visits to the proctologists and fed pureed dog food with imitation gravy and extra vegetables and tofu instead of the meat he demanded. He deserved it since he was not imaginative enough to give her a real name. Named after a dog...If her Granduncle Kiba's ninken was not so legendary, then she probably would have been named Spot or Rover like some of her distant cousins.

Resisting the urge to glare at her idiot sire and even dumber sibling, Akamaru quietly finished her oatmeal, washed her bowl, dried it, and placed it on the drying rack. She wondered if it was time to slip deworming medicine into her father and brother's lunch. The way they ate...

_Whatever did mother see in that senile, old dog?_

When Akamaru imagined a husband, it would be just about any young male not an Inuzuka. She wanted a handsome, young man with refined looks, bathes daily, and able to hold a decent conversation that did not involve boasting about their microscopic wang, dogs, or tracking.

_Takeo Hatake was perfect._

According to her best friend Maiko, all Hyūga males were hung. No female with the X-ray eyes settled for any male who was less than well-endowed so it was likely that Takeo was hung based on his pedigree. The fact the Maiko was not the only Hyūga chasing Takeo confirmed the fact.

Takeo had elegance of a Hyūga without the trademarked Hyūga stick up his ass. His silver hair only made him look more distinguished. He was handsome. He bathed twice a day. And he was smart, but not too smart like Tetsuo Akimichi. The boy was the perfect mixture of smart and dumb.

In addition, Takeo held the ninken summoning contract. Eight generations ago, the Hatake stole the ninken summoning contract from the Inuzuka and it has been an Inuzuka clan goal to retrieve it. Due to the treaty the Uchiha signed with the Senju, the Inuzuka could not steal or declare clan war against the Hatake clan. Therefore, the Inuzuka clan attempted to get one of their daughter's into the bedroom of the Hatake clan head or heir.

So far, the clan failed, but it was not for the lack of trying. Rin, a distant cousin, four generations removed, almost got Kakashi, Takeo's grandfather, to the altar. Akamaru just had to find the one weakness of Takeo and get him to marry her or at least make her pregnant. Once she got the kid, Takeo would have to marry her or at least promise to share the contract with their child.

Once she did that, the clan would have no choice but to make her alpha. The Inuzuka ninken were descendants of the ninken summoned under the contract. Their blood was the reason that the Inuzuka ninken could use chakra or even speak. If she control the reintroduction of new blood into the pack, she would be the head of her clan like her great-grandmother, Tsume.

Akamaru went to her bedroom to change out of her pajamas. She selected her lucky white kimono and red hakama. It made her look like one of the dainty maiko that worked at the local temple.

However, instead of picking up a dainty broom, she picked up her kanabo. It was five feet long, made from hard wood, lead weights, and steel spikes. Weighing in at 11 kilograms, it was twice as heavy as the ones used by samurai, but in her hands felt light as a feather. With a single swing, she could crush armor and shatter foes. All that was left was to put on her lucky gloves and pick up the pack she carried for her ninken, Snuggles.

Akamaru grabbed her medic nin bag as well as her Class-B mission weapons loadout. A dozen kunai, two dozen shiruken, one hundred senbon needles, vials of poisons and antidotes, a meteor hammer, and her long-range weapon of choice – lead slugs filled the pouch. Each item was position so she could reach in without looking and pull out the right tool.

With a whistle, she summoned her ninkin to follow her and pick up her slug-summons, Hina-hime.

She went next door to her grandmother's cottage. It was neat, clean, and most importantly free from dog droppings. No Inuzuka ninken dared practice dynamic marking on grandma's roses. Grandma's punishment would be worse than any spray bottle. Akamaru took a deep breath. Clean air without the ever present scent of dog turds.

By birth, she was an Inuzuka. However, in personality and appearance, she more resembled her grandmother, Sakura Haruno. She was smart, strong, and possessed the irritability unique to Haruno females even before she had her first period. Despite being the runt, no male in the family dare make her angry enough to use her fists since she was gave her cousin Ren, a chūnin, a beatdown for ruining the cake on her seventh birthday. Her grandmother had once established the male punting record at 183 meters. No one wanted to end up as the projectile on Akamaru's next attempt to beat her grandmother punting record.

"Chibi," a voice called out, "Come on in and have some cookies. Don't worry, I made Snuggles some peanut butter cookies, too."

Grandmother was the only one that could call Akamaru 'Chibi.' Akamaru was the chibi-sized version of her grandmother in all things save for tit size and hair color. Grandmother still had her pink hair, although it was a couple shades lighter than in her youth. Akamaru's hair was more auburn in color. If it was not for grandma's old team photos, Akamaru would have believed that grandmother was always a size DD. Akamaru's only hope was that a career in medical jutsu would do the same for her bust-line as it did for her grandmother.

Akamaru tossed her ninken, Snuggles, a peanut butter cookie before reaching for one of Grandmother's Death by a 1,000 Tastes of Chocolate cookies. She broke off a quarter and handed it to her slug summons. The rest was for her.

One bite of her grandmother's cookies was enough to trigger diabetes and there was no way that any mortal could stop at one bite. Akamaru closed her eyes, sniffed the cookie and the 1,000 layers of spun chocolate inside the dough. One nibble and it was like an orgasm that would not stop for five minutes.

Akamaru quivered in delight as the 1,000 tastes of chocolate hit her senses. It was different and yet similar to that massage that her best friend Maiko gave her after the last sparing session. It was time to go and see which team she would be on.

Hopefully they would see that she was the one medic nin able to revive Takeo-kun from the dead. It would be stupid for her to be assigned to any other team. It was comforting when logic only confirmed her theories.

Akamaru carefully placed six cookies into her tin. Three for her and three for her future husband. She would win him or he will die trying to get away.

**Hyūga Compound**

**07:30**

Maiko Hyūga loved sweets.

All Hyūga females were addicted in some manner to some sweet confection. Even the females who married into the clan had some urge for a particular sweet.

Her grandmother, Tenten, was addicted to sesame dumplings.

Her great aunt, Hinata, was addicted to cinnamon buns.

Her other great aunt, Hanabi, was addicted to bananas and milk drowned with sugar.

Her mother loved _taho_, tofu with caramel sauce and tapioca pearls.

Maiko's favorite poisons were ice cream, sorbets (ice cream made from coconut milk), candies, leche flan, and the legendary _halo-halo _(shaved ice, evaporated milk, sugar, sweet beans, and fruits topped with leche flan and sorbet).

If an Akimichi was always munching on a bunch of chips, Maiko would always be munching on candies, enjoying halo-halo, or assaulting the nearest ice cream vendor demanding his entire inventory. If it was not for the active lifestyle of being a ninja and the enhanced metabolism that Hyūga's got from a lifetime of generating enough charka to fuel the gentle fist attacks, the typical Hyūga female would be wider than they were tall.

Maiko was excited. Despite her day starting at 5:00 a.m. for early morning training at the family dojo, Maiko was literally bouncing off the walls. Everything flowed and her older sister, Ringo, did not stand a chance as Maiko methodically closed off the chakra flow in her sister's arms.

Maiko opened her sweet box and pulled out a bag of mixed butterscotch candies and hot cinnamon reds to munch on later. Maiko resisted the urge to giggle and hug her treasure trove. With a practice waved of the hand, she closed her candy chest and sealed it so no one would attempt to eat her _precious_.

Maiko skipped down to the kitchen and made herself a small bowl of taho. Her parents and grandmothers were there waiting.

Her mother pulled out a roll. It was new, but a copy of an all too familiar canvas and leather roll.

Maiko reached out to touch the two catches. After using a little chakra, she opened the roll. Inside was almost everything she could ever want.

Three of Grandma Tenten's weapons scrolls, one of which is marked with the image of the legendary Dakō (flexible spear) and the spitting image of the meteor hammer he asked for last week;

Two leather sealing scrolls from Grandma Ino filled with the latest fashions and a book on flowers and plant based poisons;

A scroll resembling her grandfather Sai's legendary art scroll;

A leather sealing scroll marked camping supplies;

A scroll marked jutsu;

A see-through silk tent so she did not have to sleep out in the elements; and

A dozen red sticks with fuses and matches.

"Is it...it is..."

Maiko hugged her mother and grandmothers in a death hug that would crack a bear's bones. If all three ladies did not reinforced their skeleton with chakra...

"Dynamite!"

Maiko had heard about the new invention developed by miners from Suna. She even had a class where she had observed the instructor using half and quarter sticks to blow apart a boulder, but this was the first time she ever touched it. Oh many things that can will go boom when she lays the smack down. There was a rule forbidding her from possessing explosive notes within town because of a little problem...obsession she and many of her sisters had with things that go boom. However, there was no rule against dynamite...yet. It was time to stock up before the Hokage closed that loophole.

**Hokage's Office**

**08:30**

_All the great predators play with their prey._

Mother cats will capture some poor creature and bring the 'new toy' to their young. The problem is that kittens play rough with their toys.

Young Uchiha warriors expanded their jutsu repertoires by hunting down skilled ninjutsu users. The Uchiha attacked rival ninja and force them to use their best jutsu. Once copied, the young Uchiha then deliberately defeat their 'teacher' using the newly stolen jutsu in such a way to teach the soon to be dead teacher that they were inferior to an Uchiha.

Likewise the Hyūga would slowly incapacitate their targets until the target was paralyzed and helpless. Once a matriarchal clan, young female Hyūga would target warriors from other clans to enslave before they would consider having a child. Young girls hunted dozens of warriors working their way up the ranks until they selected the four elite warriors that would serve as their consorts, as well as raise and protect their children. Generations later, the Hyūga stopped 'husband hunting' and used seduction instead of paralyzing their husbands. Now, they merely aimed to capture their foes alive as a mark of their skill.

It was said if a Hyūga respected your skill, they would focus on killing you outright. If you were the best, they would send a squad out to capture you so you can be breed into the clan. If they hated you...before the Treaty between the Senju and Uchiha forbidding the use of Hyūga as torturers, you were better off committing _jumonji giri_, seppuku without a second to end your pain.

Often, the Hyūga would deliberately leave their targets alive for a short time so they know that the Hyūga was merely playing with them and that they were weak. Today, the Hyūga simply hauled in the prisoner for interrogation or send your barely living corpse to a rookie medic-nin for practice.

If you wanted to see how a Hyūga can play with his prey just watch Hiashi Hyūga at the golf driving range when some poor unfortunate genin gets assigned golf ball retrieval duty. Most jōnin can call out limb or torso and hit the target with a 55-percent percent accuracy. Hiashi calls out smaller targets like forehead, lips, or even the 'mommy and daddy button.' He has never missed his target and there is talk about upgrading that particular mission to a B-rank.

The Uchiha and Hyūga were related so it is not unnatural that both clans traditionally played with their prey.

The Uzumaki and Senju Clans also played with their prey.

The Uzumaki would routinely lead their enemies into an area lined with incapacitating and embarrassing seals. Survivors will then be used for kenjutsu, taijutsu, and shiruken-jutsu practice. Or sometimes acting as lab rats for the lastest Uzumaki seal.

The Senju would deliberately let their foes think that they were winning until the Senju pulled some jutsu or mind-blowing special trick that in the end let their foes know that they were merely being played with from the very beginning.

Kitsune also played with their prey. Kitsune females will shape shift and seduce human heroes. They will case illusions tricking those they think unworthy. They went around shaving the hair of uppity lords and ladies to punish transgressions against the foxes and excessive pride. They will haunt a foe until his mind broke from the stress.

Tora Uzumaki was blessed, or cursed, with the desire to play with her prey, even when she should not.

Between Hyūga, Uzumaki, and Senju (via her paternal grandfather the fourth hokage who was the illegitimate child of a Senju Senin and the perverted Toad senin) ancestors combined with being the reincarnation of the nine tail fox that once sat in her father's, grandmother's, and great-grandmother grandmother's stomachs, her instincts were encouraging her to select some unfortunate victim and play with her prey.

_Too bad that Jiraiya-nichan _[older brother]_ got the Hyūga stick up ass syndrome and is in no mood to play today. He has gotten too boring._

_Note to self: Switch the forms on his desk from the current forms to the old forms_. _Not only are they longer, but when the clerical staff inspects them they will have to be redone_.

_Slip in a mission request for the "Locate the Hokage's Rubber Ducky" D-Rank to a genin team._

_Make several one-by-two meter poster of Jiraiya-nichan in his hippo pajamas and little night cap and have genin post them all over town._

Twenty six years-old, Tora was the youngest of Naruto Uzumaki's children and born a few short months after his death. She had the trademarked pale skin, pale eyes, and dark hair of her mother, but had inherited the hyperactivity, insane chakra levels, uncontrollably spiky hair, whiskers, and ramen addiction from her father. Also, she had the overwhelming urge to pull a prank on those with a stick up their ass. The way her brother was acting, he definitely needed someone to yank it out.

Tora Uzumaki was wearing her former ANBU uniform save for the ANBU mask that she place back in her storage scroll. On her back was a custom made _ninjato_ (ninja sword) inscribed with a dozen seals of her own creation. She could channel wind chakra into her _ninjato_ to increase the blade's length and sharpness, or channel water charka to make the sword more flexible. She could change her sword into a _wakizashi_ (short sword), _katana_ (long sword), or even a _naganita_ (a katana on the end of a six foot shaft). She could even channel demonic chakra and fatally poison most foes with a mere scratch.

On her hip were a scroll case and a pouch with an A-class mission load-out of _shiruken_ (throwing stars) and _kunai_ (throwing knives). Hanging off her other hip was a modified dark brown leather messenger bag. She looked the part of a season professional.

Today was not her first day as a jōnin-sensei. This was her second team and she knew what she was doing. All she hoped for was that her eldest brother did not stick her with the _rubber kunai squad_. She had baby-sat a tier-three team last time and felt that she deserves a team where she did not have to fear standing in front of them when it came time for them to use ninjutsu.

All she knew was that she was assigned Team 7, a tier-one team, that her assigned chūnin was Keiko Umino, and that her team's primary tasks were long-range reconnaissance, sabotage, and infiltration. She hoped that they were good enough because hauling your friend's corpse in a sealing scroll with black trim was an experience that no ninja wanted to endure and one that she did not want to repeat.

Tora resisted the urge to rub her sore eyes.

Tora had just came of her last ANBU mission and last night's debriefing ran far too long for her to pay mother, Hinata, a visit. She had crashed in the ANBU ready lounge and woke up with a severe pain in her neck from sleeping in the wrong position.

However, after hearing about the prank, it was better that Tora avoided last night's graduation ceremony despite the pain in her neck and her budding headache. She would have been declared _persona non grata_ at both the Uzumaki and Hyūga households if she saw both her grandfather and brother on their asses. Laughing at brother was one thing, but having to keep a straight face after her grandfather, Haishi, falls flat on his rear...Let's say that only her cousin Hizashi was the only person able to survive one of grandfather's friendly sparing sessions intact. She still remembered the one time she cursed in front of grandfather...

She got the sparing session and afterwards mother had her eat a bar of soap and placed her on a two-week ramen and sweets ban.

Tora had overheard about her cousin's kid and the punishment that he had earned. Anyone brave enough to earn driving range ball retrieval duty when her grandfather Hiashi was at the tee had to be either stupid or have a death wish. The old man never missed a range marker or genin stuck on golf ball retrieving duty. Besides, Jiraiya was probably going to switch around the team assignments to ensure that the brat ended up on a 'motivation squad.' As long as she did not have to deal with cousin Takeo's amateur pranks...

"Uzumaki-san, you will be in charge of Team Seven. Their focus is long range reconnaissance, sabotage, and infiltration..."

_Wah, wah...wah, wah, wah... Wah, wah...wah, wah, wah..._

_Will anyone shut Jiraiya up? Why does he have to be, 'Uzumaki-san' and 'The hokage wishes.' It is like a bad movie about some stuck up daimyo just before the peasant uprising sweeps the daimyo into the death chamber. Just tell me who my cute, little minions are and just hand over their files so I can finish prepping my lesson plans and start pulling their first missions. This is not my first team and I don't need my overprotective brother telling me when to breathe in and breathe out._

_Wah, wah...wah, wah, wah... Wah, wah...wah, wah, wah..._

_Not even grandpa on his worse days has a stick up his ass like my brother. Hell, not even the Hyūga elders could be so mind-numbingly boring. I would rather suffer through a formal tea ceremony with Aunt Wu and talk about weather conditions on the far side of the moon, than have to babysit idiot-san._

_Wah, wah...wah, wah, wah... Wah, wah...wah, wah, wah..._

Tora resisted the urge to pull out one of the many rubber stamps inside the hokage's desk and stamp the word _'dobe' _(idiot) on her brother's head. Just because his mind was a little addled from his recent promotion does not mean he had to let his head swell.

_Note to self, tell Noriko-neechan that Jiraiya-thumb-sucker needs embarrassing beddy-bye time with the nightcap and stuffed frog. I need a new purse and some blackmail photographs would be nice when it comes time to negotiate my next pay raise._

"I believe that is enough for now. Carry on."

The flapping of the lips finally came to an end. By this time she had a mental list of a hundred different pranks she could pull on her stuck up brother.

"Tell mom that I will be by tonight for dinner," Tora replied.

Tora then merely grabbed the files and placed them into her satchel. She then snapped to the position of attention, and in a single movement jumped out the window. She could hear her brother complain about ANBU never using the door.

_Because ANBU never used the door_.

**The Academy Conference Room C**

**09:30**

Saiko Momochi sipped on his morning coffee as he contemplated the joys of seppuku. Even if he went out like a total badass rōnin and performed the rite of _jumonji giri_, cross cut seppuku without a second to end his pain, it could not hurt as bad as the next couple years with the shrieking duo. If his team did not pass their chūnin exams...he could be stuck with the shrieking duo for half a decade.

_Note to self, steal the next suicide mission or pray for a new war. Charging the enemy with several primed exploding notes is a good way to die._

Below, the shrieking duo was complaining about the fact that the object of their devotion was running around town in silver spandex and chanting about youth.

It seemed that Takeo was good on his word to get back at the hokage. He embraced the Cult of the Youth and the clothing of the silver beast. The silver super sentai suit was blinding, even if you did not have the eyes of the Hyūga.

It may be silly now, but in a few years, it would be a fond memory and make for a good laugh when everything around Saiko would go to shit.

Saiko was not averse to pranking but to deliberately embrace the Cult of Youth to pay back a foe was going _a little too far_.

Unlike the rest of the class, Saiko was relaxed. He knew his fate and was resigned to it. Hopefully, he would advance and go his way as fate meant it to be.

By Saiko's feet was his pack. Inside was everything he owed, begged, borrowed, or stole. By law, he was now an adult, the living arrangements he had with his foster family, the Yamaguichi ended.

Officially, his address was a post office box located at the Ninja Academy. It was a common practice among orphan genin as they were in the field often enough that renting an apartment to store stuff was a waste of money. When in town, unattached genin and chūnin simply would sleep in the transient dormitories in the attic and top floors of the old academy building.

Unlike the others classmates, Saiko knew that he was not fated to become hokage. At best, he might end up in ANBU or maybe even as high as an ANBU captain. He was trained as an infiltration and melee weapons specialist and he was quite good at it. Orphans such as he were assigned outside the village for decades. They recruited agents and acted to keep the hokage inform about the activities of potential rivals. After initial training with his team, he would be detached and vanish into the great wide open, drawing an extended A-Class mission payment in an account that he would unlikely be able to ever collect. If he made it past ten years, he would be wealthy. If not...the dead have only need for six coins to bribe the ferryman that took the dead across the three rivers to the underworld.

Instead of paying attention to the coming and goings of his classmates, Saiko instead focused his attention on his gear. In addition to his clothing and basic camp gear, he carried four complete disguises as well as his combat gear.

Inside each of the red scrolls was a persona, complete down to the _orai tegata_, or wooden passports that allowed his personas to freely travel between the elemental nations. He could become a fisherman, traveling carpenter, an ashugari (foot solder / armed police officer), or even a wandering monk by changing his clothing and using a new name.

Each legend was carefully built and as part of his studies, he carefully built each one of his identities. He had work on fishing boats, built homes and furniture, and even served several months as an acolyte to the ninja monks so that he knew enough about the rituals and theology to pass as a novice. As an orphan, he knew that he would likely end up in infiltration since he could literally disappear without relatives inquiring about his activities.

In due time, he would be an old memory.

Maybe one or two classmates would remember him at some distant reunion or one day they may stumble upon his name on the memorial marker in Training Field 7. His presence marked by a short notation in the hokage's black ops file. His class photo was never taken or even allowed to be placed in the yearbook. Even his ninja registration form lacked the official photograph that graced the other student's file. He was taught to avoid leaving any record of his existence outside the village that did not further his blending into the shadows.

His was the fate of many non-clan affiliated orphans. Takeo or one of the clan kids would end up Hokage. One day he would serve one of his classmate as one of the faceless ANBU operatives that worked in the shadows. The clan brats were the faces that the world sees while he would be the blade hidden in the shadows that gets the real work done.

It was time for Saiko Momochi to leave Konoha behind and work as one of its many invisible shadows. If he made it, he would be set. If he did, he only prays that he would have the chance to quickly end his life before the interrogators start dissecting him.

**Academy Conference Room C**

**10:10**

Former Hokage Konohamaru Sarutobi and retiring Academy Head Iruka Umino looked out over the next generation of genin. There were thirty students, ten teams, who all survived the two-year advance studies course. Compared to two generations before, each student had the skills of a chūnin or even a tokubetsu jōnin, in their specialties.

However, only three of these students could be called veterans. Two generations ago, these students would be two- or three-year veterans and preparing for their chūnin-examination. By the time Konohamaru and Iruka were 14, split blood and death were familiar companions. Today, they were just rookie genin. With the exception of Ryota Aburame, Takeo Hatake, and Saiko Momochi, none of the student had to face a kill or be killed situation. They were the last generation of kids sent out to fight a war.

There were three tiers of teams.

Tier one teams were made of elite prodigies; each prodigy groomed with an eye towards developing future elite jōnin and maybe even a hokage. These teams were given the best jōnin-sensei and chūnin-senpai to introduce the genin into the real world of the ninja.

Tier two teams were above average teams. These teams were good, but would end up being the bulk of the rank and file ninjas and even made up the bulk of the future ANBU operatives. Some tier two genin may one day make jōnin or even elite jōnin, but those individuals would be the exception.

The tier three teams would be the future bodies. They were satisfactory, but odds were their careers would top out at chūnin or tokubetsu jōnin. They would end up working in the village bureaucracy or on the Konoha Ninja Police Force. About 66-percent of genin ended up on these teams.

It was unfair in a way to determine one's ninja career so early, but there were very few elite jōnin with both the skills and the temperament to train tier one teams, let alone train the tier two and tier three teams.

Many elite jōnin were good ninjas but poor teachers and role models. Kakashi Hatake was an excellent as an elite jōnin or ANBU captain, but was an unmitigated failure as a teacher. Just because you had the ability to cut through a thousand no name jōnin in a blink of an eye, did not mean you could teach worth a damn.

To combat this, Konohamaru's predecessor Naruto Uzumaki initiated the role of chūnin-senpai to provide a second teacher and to train those who were likely to be jōnin-sensei how to be better teachers. In many cases, those initially selected for the role of chūnin-senpai proved to be better teachers than the team's jōnin-sensei.

In a perfect world, each team will have the best combination of jōnin-sensei and chūnin-senpai. However, it was the real world and even Konoha had to allocate resources where they would do the most good. The best were assigned to the best genin.

Iruka was reading the scroll and already worked his way through all the tier-three teams and the bulk of the tier two teams by the time Konohamaru refocused his attention.

"Team Seven: Tora Uzumaki, jōnin-sensei; Keiko Umino, chūnin-senpai; Maiko Hyūga; Akamaru Inuzuka; and Saiko Momochi, genin. Your team will meet up at Gate 3, training ground 44 for an extended training session lasting at least one month. Pack accordingly."

Team Seven was a Tier One team specializing in long range reconnaissance, infiltration, and sabotage. This was Tora Uzumaki's second genin team and Keiko Umino was the best chūnin when it came to teaching despite her relative youth compare to her peers. The Hyūga and Inuzuka traditionally worked well together and these two where the best of friends. However, Momochi was an unusual choice for a tier one team.

Normally, a clanless child, no matter how talented, would be shifted to a tier two team since at best they would end up in ANBU. Clanless children were used in infiltration missions because they did not have family that would inquire about them. They could disappear without a ripple. It was a dirty secret that these young ninja were deemed ore expendable than the clan children who were held back and groomed for better futures.

Normally, Saiko Momochi would undergo training in a tier two team for a year and then be sent to various assignments to only disappear into the bowls of ANBU.

However, this clanless child was Konohamaru's illegitimate grandson and had proven himself in life and death combat saving two clan kids, one of whom was Konohamaru's legitimate grandson, Takeo. Konohamaru vowed to make sure that both his grandsons had a chance. If Jiraiya decided to send Saiko Momochi into the dark world of infiltration, then Konohamaru would make sure that Saiko would be trained by the best and made sufficient connects to other tier one personnel that he would not be relegated to long term infiltration missions for the rest of his ninja career. Saiko may never be hokage, but Konohamaru hoped that one day he would end up as the ANBU commander or village spymaster.

"Team Eight: Akira Yuhui, jōnin-sensei; Fijio Tian, chūnin-senpai; Tetsuo Akimichi; Jiro Nara; and Nene Yamanaka, genin. Your team will meet up at the entrance to training area 10."

Team Eight was tier-two team. This was a classic Akimichi-Nara-Yamanaka team, but these three were not the heirs to their clans. They specialized in prisoner capture, intelligence gathering, and field investigations.

Akira Yuhui was the grandson of Asuma Sarutobi and Kurenai Yuhui. A master of both ninjutsu and genjutsu, Akira was one of best strategists in the village. However, he was not the best teacher. He was too laid back like his grandfather and smoke like he did. In addition, this would be his first team.

To offset Yuhui relaxed nature, Fijio Tian was assigned to the team as a chūnin-senpai. Fijio was another up and coming chūnin. Related to the Akimichi clan via his mother, Fijio was an expert knew ninja, _sōhei_ (warrior-monk), and samurai tactics, a plus since the Sōhei-Samurai Conflicts have been ongoing for quite some time on the eastern half of the continent. There were a lot of missions for Konoha ninja and the village needed to have an intelligence gathering team in the area. Hopefully, the trio would serve as will as the other Akimichi, Nara, Yamanaka trios.

"Team Nine: Mamoru Lee, jōnin-sensei; Hiroya Hyūga, chūnin-senpai; Ryota Aburame; Takeo Hatake, and Gairo Lee, genin. Your team will meet up at Rock Lee's Dojo.

Team Nine was the second Tier One Team. Mamoru Lee and Hiroya Hyūga were both taijutsu experts. Unlike his father Rock Lee, Mamoru Lee was also an expert at fire ninjutsu, _kanabō-jutsu_ (iron club techniques), and surprisingly for a Lee formal court etiquette and diplomacy.

Mamoru's mother, Tomoe Gozen was an _onna-begeisha_ (upper class female warrior trained in the samurai arts) from the Land of Iron and first cousin to the Daimyo of Iron. She raised her son, Mamoru, to be both a master shinobi and taught him the skills of a master samurai. Mamoru was the only Konoha ninja regularly asked to duel with the current Fire Daimyo. He had fought duels against some of the best swordsmen in the world and so far remained undefeated. Polite enough to not kill except for the gravest insult or for the sake of duty, he had literally disarmed plots launch by Konoha's enemies and earned the favor of Daimyo across the elemental countries.

This was Mamoru's third team. His previous two team exceeded expectations. Although his first and second teams were tier three and tier two respectively, they both ended up as tier one times. The second team is now currently serving in ANBU as the opposition force training team. The first team is now serving as jōnin. Konohamaru knew that Mamoru would do the same for his new team.

In addition to the Gentle Fist, Hiroya Hyūga was an expert at _kenjutsu_ (sword techniques), conducting field investigations, and intelligence gathering. He was not only a ninja, but also an experienced banker who contacts included jewelers and tailors, the two types of merchants who were regular confidants of nobility. Members of Team Nine were being groomed to interact with nobility and the wealthy which was a rare, but vital skill that the village needed. Even a hidden village needed diplomats able to interact with foreign daimyo on a first-name basis.

"Team Ten: Gō Yodogawa, jōnin-sensei; Hiroko Inuzuka, chūnin-senpai; Kiba Inuzuka, Hirotaka Suzuki, and Kenji Uzuki, genin. Your team will meet up at training area 97."

Team Ten was a tier two team. Gō Yodogawa was a good jōnin who served in ANBU and the Hunter Nin Corps. He had excellent leadership qualities, but not the best of teachers for rookie genin. He was used to working with ANBU, individuals who mastered the basics and were combat veterans. However as a jōnin-sensei, Yodogawa would have to train rookies and nurse them through the crucible of combat before he could apply his experience polishing them to perfection.

Hiroko Inuzuka was a solid chūnin who served in the Hunter ninja corps before an injury temporarily placed him on light duty. This was his first foray since he was cleared for regular duty. Prior to this, he worked a light duty assignment at the academy as a survival, weapons, and taijutsu instructor. Hiroko was a capable instructor for an elite chūnin. He knew fire jutsu, survival, and reconnaissance, but still needed more seasoning in leadership roles before qualifying for the jōnin examinations.

As predicted, the moment that Iruka finished the announcements, the fights began.

Akamaru Inuzuka was protesting the fact that she was not on the same team as Takeo Hatake. Nene Yamanaka and Maiko Hyūga also protested that they were not assigned to Takeo Hatake's team. Jiro Nara was predicting how troublesome it would be for another generation of Nara males to be bossed around by another Yamanaka female which caused all three girls to put the beat down on the unfortunate Nara. Takeo Hatake and Gairo Lee were starting another Sunset of Youth jutsu marathon which cause the girls to stop beating on the Nara and attack the S4 (super-shiny sentai-suit) duo.

Seeing his best friend out-numbered and in great peril, Saiko Momochi jumped in and cast the Hidden Mist jutsu to give his pal Takeo an advantage in the brawl. The pair sparred enough so that Takeo was use to blind fighting in the mist. But the girls obviously were not and it showed.

There were screams as the three girls flew out of the mist minus their underwear. Saiko was crackling like a hyena on laughing gas. As the mist dissipated, he could see Takeo Hatake and Gairo Lee holding the underwear with Saiko in the front with two short staffs holding off the girls.

The girls of the class started screaming pervert at the boys while Kiba Inuzuka was laid on the floor with a bloody nose obviously looking up the skirt of one of the panty pull victims. Too bad he did not figure out that it was his twin sister, Akamaru, who was missing her pretty pink panties. The other girls in the class started screaming pervert at the male Inuzuka and expressing their displeasure by stomping said male in the face.

The other boys in the class did not know whether to duck and cover or pay homage to Gairo and Takeo. The S4 duo had managed to score a panty collection and opened up the gates of heaven. The peeked up over the desks hoping for more panty pulling action.

Ryota Aburame then pull out her venom beetles as the girls started readying their jutsu for the battle of the century. They were not going to let two boys in spandex jumpsuits strip them without a fight.

"Girl's, sic them, Snuggles, go for the balls," Akamaru commanded as she tighten her black gloves.

Having watched the girl's grandmother, Sakura Haruno, launch Naruto 183 meters from a single punch, Konohamaru feared for the lives of the three boys. The fight was interesting, but one hit...Naruto could heal from almost anything. These boys...

It was time and the former hokage had no choice but to restore order before things went too far.

He merely cleared his throat.

Instantly the class froze.

"Get back in your seats, children," Konohamaru quietly commanded. "Saiko, please dispel the mist jutsu and open the window so the room airs out. Takeo, Gario, please return the girl's panties before I have you wash the all maternity and geriatric panties at the hospital by hand. Ryota, call back your allies, they are not needed here."

The girls glared at the boys promising death.

"Maiko, Nene, and Akamaru, please put on your underwear. I am letting you three girls know that Konoha never put fan girls in the same team as the object of their affection in an attempt to minimize the pregnant teen population. Oh, nice super sentai suit, Takeo – Just make sure you do not wear it in front of your grandmother or other family members. Your grandmother is very particular about dressing properly for the occasion. Any more questions?"

The room was silent. With a few quick phrases, the retired hokage took control without flaring any chakra or killing intent.

"I could ask my successor to send you all back to pre-academy where you all obviously belong. Next person who speaks up will be chasing the Fire Lady's cats for the next three weeks."

The class went silent. No one wanted that particular D-Class mission. Every weekend at the advance studies course was dedicated to D-Class missions. The worst part was that the students were not even paid.

Every one of these kids faced the demonic offspring of the infamous Tora. According to Konoha folklore, Tora was the cat whose parents were the Kyūbi and Nibi. The name Tora struck fear even in the heart of their grandparents. In fact, the Seventh Hokage gave his youngest daughter the name Tora as a _power name_ in order to strike fear into the hearts of her foes. Tora's offspring was said to be a little nicer, but there were many more of them than academy students. Worse, Tora's offspring ganged up and often 'Chasing Tora's Kitten' became 'Being Hunted by Tora's kittens.' No one wanted kitten capture duty.

"Thank you. You all will be dismissed. At 13:00, you all will meet at your designed spots with the minimum of a Class-B mission load-out and three weeks of supplies including food and toiletries. You all will undergo extensive evaluation and training by your jōnin-sensei before being clear for higher ranked missions.

"One last word of advice - This is the big time. There will be no more practice sessions. Every time is show time. There are no more safety rules. Even a mistake in training can kill you. From this point on, you will perform perfectly or risk being a name on the memorial stone.

"Because it is the big time and there is no reset after death, we will train you and treat you all accordingly. As of now you are all adults and we will treat you accordingly."

It was good to be hokage or at least a former one since you managed to dump the paperwork on an idiot successor. Konohamaru looked at his grandsons and resisted the urge to give them the thumbs up.

_Able to pull of the panty pull jutsu – Grandsons do grow up so fast_.


End file.
